7 ways to know that the World’s Best Mom’ mug is an empty title

It’s been nearly a week since Mother’s Day and what have we learned? Kids are big ol’ fibbers. Sure, greeting cards galore deem you the champion of motherhood and more than a few coupon books have promised things like unconditional love, endless hours of listening, and unicorns prancing with narwhals, but some of the shorter members of our households have let things slip in recent days.

Let’s check in.

7. Unless there was a sopping wet attempt to create adorable hotel towel creations, something seriously needs to be addressed in the upstairs bathroom.

6. Sitting on my pillow at 3 a.m. to hand me a disturbingly sticky handful of Cheerios does not hold the same charm as “special occasion” breakfast in bed. Go back to sleep.

5. There is a small army of toys with faces, hands, and legs working their way through the living room and down the stairs. If the next thing you’re going to tell me isn’t “they’re heading out to earn money from their part-time jobs,” put them back in the bin.

4. Conserving food is wonderful, truly. But unless you expect me to believe that you’ll be sitting back down to this same meal – on this same plate – for lunch, clear your breakfast dishes.

3. It’s not quite the compliment that you’d think to be told how I’m your favorite wiper in the whole bathroom. (Even though you’re totally right.)

2. I guess those statements of “we’ll help with the laundry” were exciting code for “I’m wearing my third pair of pants since breakfast,” huh?

1. Remember when we said we were going to speak in pleasant tones around here? REMEMBER WHEN WE SAID WE WERE GOING TO SPEAK IN PLEASANT TONES AROUND HERE?!

(Better refill that ol’ mug.)

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