A guide to Chicago neighborhoods for the germaphobe parent

Out with your kids for a Chicago neighborhood stroll? Wondering what that thing is that you don’t want them to touch? A primer of a few choice ‘hoods, in alphabetical order:

Albany Park: Half-chewed corncobs from leftover elotes, whole loaves of squirrel-bitten pitas, squirrels

Andersonville: Craft beer coaster, old artisanal dog biscuits, semi-reclaimed wood furniture

Bronzeville: Sawdust and asbestos (those pesky mansions), BBQ sauce containers, Northside disdain

Lincoln Park: Wayward geese, wayward geese droppings, gently used Bugaboo strollers

Logan Square: The Blue line

The Loop: Pigeon poop, H&M receipts, that guy done up in silver paint (because he probably doesn’t want to be touched)

Pilsen: A mushy bag of chicharrones, freecycled art, earnestly worn Keds

River North: Smashed iPhones from angry, starving tourists who did not properly plan ahead for reservations

Rogers Park: Dog-eared Salinger novels, dented bumpers, fake I.D.s

Roscoe Village: Gelato spoons, knockoff yoga pants, that cougar that one time

Wicker Park: Big Star taco wrappers, clove butts, cassette tapes

Wrigleyville: Post-game bodily fluids. Also “pre”. Also “during.”

Happy exploring!

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