Mommy brain, monsters and a Chicago mom, oh my!

Being a single mom of toddlers has its share of difficulties. Like when you take the kids out to eat on your own and then one of them needs to go ‘pee-pee’ during the meal, which becomes a whole production of everyone leaving the table and mommy having to secure belongings for a family trip to the potty. This happens quite often for my two 2-year-olds and me. So often, that I’ve started to swear off meals outside of our home.

I’ve made it a point to make sure we have a variety of food in our house so that I’m not even tempted to go out to eat with my kids. But sometimes, mommy brain sets in and I forget to buy necessities like milk and diapers.

That’s exactly what happened today. I realized I was down to my last few diapers and totally out of milk. This could all only mean one thing: A trip to the grocery store.

Grocery shopping with toddlers is low on my list of fun activities. Of course, we went to a store that doesn’t have carts designed for two kids. So, after much convincing, I managed to stick one in the front and assure her that was the better seat. Then I stuck the other inside the cart and assured him that was the better seat.

I was armed with a list of about 15 items, a king-size bag of M&Ms, and two emergency fancy schmancy chocolates that my kids rarely get to indulge in.

My children were distracted most of the trip by large pumpkins around the store and the single M&Ms I was feeding them periodically (you must conserve the candy to last you the entire trip!). I managed to fill our cart — no easy task considering my son is a 40-pound monster who thought the bread would make a good pillow — in less than 15 minutes.

And then came my least favorite part, getting the groceries in the house. On this day, we were greeted at the front door by a HUGE spider. It was hanging out on the welcome mat, casually waiting for us to open the door so he could scurry in towards the light, no doubt. So I put the kids inside, cracked the door, and told them to stay away from it.

Did they listen? Of course they didn’t. They’re 2. So as I scurried up the steps and deposited two arms full of groceries, I warned them again to stay away from the door because a MONSTER would attack them.

They seemed to get the idea after that and as I headed towards the door again I noticed the spider had moved down the steps — and I noticed how big and hairy he really was. I chucked a box of diapers at it. And missed. He ran straight back towards the door and I raced to beat him.

I twisted the handle and to my surprise, it was locked. As I pounded on the door, I could see their little faces as they yelled, “Monster out der!”

I whipped my keys out and maniacally tried to find the right one. When I got it unlocked, I jumped through threshold and slammed the door as I panted at my children’s smiling faces.

“Monster didn’t get you, mommy!”

“No, but it got the diapers. So it looks like your brother is getting potty trained tomorrow.”

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