After almost five years of mothering, I can safely say that parenthood is one of the hardest jobs on the planet; below neurosurgery, but above rocket science. I’ve also found that, starting with pregnancy, the ability to retain common knowledge and perform basic tasks becomes difficult. And it only gets worse the more times you become pregnant and add more children to the mix. Considering the fact that I only have two children, the mommy brain I already experience on a daily basis is alarming.
1. I have already begun to channel my mother when I forget which child I needed and proceed to call every child’s name, my husband’s name, and my old dog’s name, before finally landing on the child I needed. “CHARLIEJACKJIMJAKEJACKSONCHARLIE, SOMEONE JUST COME HERE!”
2. Some days, five o’clock shows up way earlier than I anticipated and I realized I don’t have dinner ready or even remotely prepped. On those days of absent-mindedness, we usually end up with pancakes for dinner – topped with some semblance of a fruit compote – which is my effort to show my family just how “totally different this is from what we ate for breakfast just ten hours ago.”
3. I once sent my children on a wild goose chase throughout our house to find my phone that I swore they had snuck away to play games on. I may or may not have played dumb when the phone was discovered in the refrigerator a short while later.
4. Laundry is my least favorite chore around the house. Why? Because I do loads of laundry every.single.day. Usually, the same load that I forgot about and fear that it will get moldy so I wash again, promising myself that I will in fact switch it to the dryer later only to forget again. Rinse. Repeat.
5. I forget at least one thing every time I go to the store. It’s usually the one thing that I actually needed at the store.
With all of this mommy brain madness, I could compare myself to other parents and see just how inadequate I really am. Who am I kidding? I played the comparison game recently when I attended Dr. Smith’s Diaper Rash Ointment launch at RPM Italian and met Bill & Giuliana Rancic. With her perfectly coiffed hair and his killer smile, they seemed so put together and not likely to forget laundry in the washer for hours. It was refreshing to find out that not only do they use the same diaper rash ointment that we can get at Walgreens, but that they are not afraid to take selfies for Instagram.
Did I mention Bill and I are BFFs now?