Chicago’s street fests are fun for kids. Just not my kids.

I’m in the process of writing a story for this summer’s Going Places magazine on kid-friendly Chicago street fests. Although I’ve lived in the city for over 8 years and have had a child for *gasp* 5 of them, I haven’t fully taken advantage of the city’s biggest block parties.

Sure, I’ve done Sheffield Garden Walk when I was unmarried. But that seems like eons ago, and now that I typically have kids in tow most, every weekend, every day, I have desperately tried to find a fest that I can enjoy and that I can get my kids out of my hair that my kids will enjoy too.

Problem is, while Chicago is packed with kid-friendly fests (you’ll have to read my story this summer to find out which ones!), my eldest child runs from them like Chris Brown did from ABC’s studios.

He doesn’t like loud noise so the fact that Justin Roberts was playing a mere four blocks away from our house last summer did nothing to entice him out the door. He gets carsick on the way to Lake Shore Drive. So rides are pretty much out. He LOVES sugar, but how much funnel cake can I possibly let him consume in one sitting? And I just know those hot dogs they serve on sticks aren’t Kosher.

About the only activity he will do is get his face or arm painted and well, the lines for those activities usually wind down to the entrance gate and the price sets me back what at least two beers will cost.

So this summer, while you’re all sitting on your lawn chairs, enjoying the oppressively humid warm breeze and watching your kids slug it out on the bouncy house, I’ll likely be inside my air-conditioned basement painting the world’s worst snake on my kid’s forearm.

And that’ll just have to suffice for now. At least until he’s of legal street-fest-enjoyment age. I have a few years for that.

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