Choose your own Chicago-style adventure

Every time it happens I have to remind myself it’s a good problem to have: when out-of-town guests visit, I am paralyzed by choice about what to do. My guests start feeling my panic after about minute 10 of trying to decide the right mix of tourist and local “must-sees” and balancing how kid-friendly or not kid-friendly they are, what the weather is going to be, and, of course, how many Chicago food staples we can cram into our mouths in between touring the city and seeing the sites.

When I add in the nagging sense that my guests came to feel like they’re actually on vacation, the stress of balancing all these factors is almost too much to bear.

My solution to the problem came in the form of my dark obsession with graphs. I love being able to hand my guests something to look at and decide what sort of Chicago experience they would like to have. See the tourist sites? Get a true taste of what it’s like to live in the city? Anything is possible, and it’s easy to see what our options are.

Bonus: This graph works just as well on a random Tuesday as it does when all the in-laws have converged on your house!

The X-axis on this graph represents just how likely you are to be around mobs of tourists. As Seinfeld would say, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” but it is something to consider.

The Y-axis represents how kid-friendly the activities are.

Please note: These calculations are completely scientific and should absolutely be taken as gospel.

*Please note: The above “please note” should not be taken seriously and all calculations are purely subjective and can be debated for hours.

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