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Chicago dad confesses to his naughty secret

When you’re a husband and Dad, there are a limited number of ways to be “naughty” without jeopardizing your family—most of them involve food. That’s where “Secret Menus” come in.

You may have heard rumblings about these things—off the books items at fast food chains only available upon request.

Most of the items on these Secret Menus are indulgent and fairly disgusting.

I decided to consume McDonald’s infamous “Land, Sea and Air Burger” featuring a McChicken stuffed in a McDouble stuffed in a Filet of Fish. It’ll run you about $6.50 with tax.

The McDonald’s I visited (in Naperville) didn’t know what I was talking about, but when I started asking for stacks of sandwiches, my money was green.

Full disclosure, I jettisoned two buns, leaving me with a four bun, three meat, many cheese gastrointestinal nightmare.

Getting it into my mouth was a bit of a chore. After a few bites it was mangled enough to stuff down my gullet.

And the taste? Well, unfortunately the Filet of Fish overpowers the whole affair, giving it a fishy, cheesy, mushiness throughout. Is it unpleasant? Not really. It’s a pile of McDonald’s sandwiches, what’s not to like? But is it mushy, bland, and shameful? Oh, yes. Yes, it is.

The nutritional breakdown? Well, the “Land, Sea and Air” burger* provides its victim with:

1,140 calories (46% of a 2,500 calorie diet)

44g of fat (73% of one’s daily recommended fat)

15g of saturated fat (115% of saturated fat)

17g of sugar (164% of the new lowered recommended daily sugar)

2,240 mg of sodium (97% of one’s daily recommended sodium.)

In one minute I’d eaten all my sugar and saturated fat for a day and a half.

I’m just glad my wife and child didn’t see me defiling myself like that.

* I’m neither a dietician nor a mathematician, so forgive me if my numbers are off.

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