Congratulations! You’ve decided to potty train your little one. Bully for you! However, if you’ve somehow made the mistake of confining yourself indoors cleaning unspeakably disgusting messes off your floor during the two months of the year when it is neither too hot nor too cold to venture outside and experience all that is Chicago, well, um, I don’t know what to say other than, “I’m sorry.” Mostly because “What are you thinking?!?” just seems like salt in the wound.
However, don’t despair! All hope isn’t lost though it may seem that way at the moment.
These Chicago-themed activities will make you feel less like Tom Hanks in “Castaway” (sad, alone, anthropomorphizing inanimate objects and talking to them) and more like Tom Hanks in “Bachelor Party” (having friends, breathing outdoor air, into shenanigans) while you live this potty-training life.
Find child-appropriate movies that take place in Chicago
“Chicago is a great city with a wonderful film history!” you might think to yourself. And seeing the city through a little extra screen time during this trying process might make you feel better.
Good thought, amigo! Until, that is, you actually start thinking about great movies that take place in Chicago: “Blues Brothers,” “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” and “The Untouchables.” All great movies, all not so great for kids. After much noodling on this, here are the two kid-appropriate movies that also fit the criteria of taking place in Chicago(land): “Rookie of the Year” (this film is potentially better known as “You know, that movie where the kid becomes a pitcher for the Cubs because he broke his arm or something?”) and “Home Alone.”
I personally ended up going with “Star Wars” under the thought that while it certainly doesn’t take place in Chicago, and is also not particularly kid-friendly, George Lucas and Harrison Ford are both from Chicago, so, you know, compromise.
Decorate your windows like it’s winter out
Craft time! Tape gray construction paper all over the windows to block out the light. This will make you feel like you’ve smartly decided to pursue this indoor-only endeavor during our seven months of winter. Bonus points if you can also add a snowscape made of cotton balls in between cleanup sessions.
Discover the joy of alcohol delivery services
Grocery deliveries are so two years ago. Besides, during potty training you need the good stuff anyway. Enter: alcohol delivery services. This, friends, is why we live in the city. (It also wouldn’t be a good Chicago-themed activity if you didn’t have an alcoholic beverage in your hands, right?)
Here are a few alcohol delivery services ready to ease your situation.
Drizly – No markups! Alcohol delivery within the hour! Just enter your address and let Drizly do the rest.
Minibar – Minibar also boasts local deliveries within 30-60 minutes of ordering without markups.
Instacart – Sure, Instacart is known as a staple in the “I can’t go outside right now but also need to feed my children” grocery delivery realm, but did you know you can also have Binny’s delivered? Even better, they guarantee their prices are the same as in-store.
Clearly, I am of no help in either the potty training world nor the not-going-insane-while-potty-training world. However, I will toast to the thought of leaving my house again, someday.
Probably just when it gets too cold to step outside.