Cyber Monday is upon us! Today is the day we all receive mechanical and digital upgrades to our primitive fleshy bodies. I’m getting a super strong steel arm and a red light-up eyeball that sees beyond the invisible spectrum. Hooray for Cyber Monday!
That’s not what Cyber Monday actually entails, of course. Cyber Monday is just a day with a lot of sales on the internet, but since “cyber” (Or as President Elect and failed mail-order steak hustler Donald Trump calls it, “the cyber”) is sort of a catch-all computer-y, future-y term, we call it Cyber Monday instead of “Sales on the Internet Day.” “Sales on the Internet Day” would also confuse it with “Prime Day,” Amazon’s own attempt at a holiday that has taken off about as well as “Sweetest Day,” that cut-rate Valentine’s day probably invented by the company that makes message heart candies.
Cyber Monday is not just big e-commerce’s way to further undercut brick and mortar shopping–it’s also a great way to avoid getting anything done at work today. Since you’re likely still dosed with tryptophan from the Thanksgiving sandwiches you’ve been eating all weekend, you weren’t going to get much done anyhow, so you might as well get some holiday shopping in.
So, what can you buy? Well, it’s the internet–you can buy a kidney if you search long enough. (Who am I kidding? If you can’t find a kidney sale with one click, you simply don’t know how to work the cyber.) Here are a few categories you might not have considered, however, and a few specific deals here in Chicago:
Hotels
Don’t want to lose your mind in the coming ten months of winter, but can’t afford the time or cost of getting away? Try a staycation at a Chicago hotel, or get a deal on a place to put up your out-of-town relatives in coming days. The Godfrey Hotel on Huron, for instance, has rooms starting at $89/night for anyone who books during all of “Cyber Week” (Wait, it’s a whole week now?) using the code IDCYBER for stays before Feb. 28. Your house has terrible windows; go stay in a hotel in the next couple of months, at least to keep warm.
Fitness
Stand near me long enough and I’ll start to try and sell you on indoor rock climbing. It’s my favorite way to bond with my 5-year-old daughter and a really engaging way to stay fit. Brooklyn Boulders Chicago is offering half off on ten-visit passes, ten-passes to their Kids Academy and Learn the Ropes classes through the Nov. 30. Odds are whatever workout place you’ve been eying or whatever sport you’ve been looking to learn is offering membership or class discounts today. Just skip the staff meeting and search around. I’m telling you, though, go with rock climbing.
Gear
If you’re a Chicagoan, then your family probably likes clothing and accessories that represent the Windy City’s most popular sports franchise, the Chicago White Sox, who famously swept the 2005 World Series. Get 25 percent off all orders at the White Sox shop today using the code word “dugout.” Go Sox!
Shows
Get some culture, you boorish Visigoth. At least something middlebrow like a musical. If you can’t be convinced on a normal day, perhaps you can be convinced on a day with sales. There are great deals over at Broadway in Chicago, including $20 off tickets for “Finding Neverland” and “The Phantom of the Opera.”
Play
Just because it’s about to be 20 degrees below zero through Easter doesn’t mean your kid doesn’t want to play. If they play outside, they’ll turn into adorable ice sculptures, so bring them to one of Chicago’s super fun indoor play places, like Little Beans Cafe (also in Evanston), which is offering $10 off a five-visit pass that, unlike your will to get out of bed during a Chicago winter, never expires!
Look at that, you can shop online and still shop local. Ain’t the cybers grand? Take advantage of the day to save a little money on your shopping and stock up on winter distractions. Oh, and look, you’re already on your computer! You might as well continue ignoring those spreadsheets and get to it!
