1. He appears exhausted. Always.
We all know that having kids is a ton of work. And a lot of missed sleep.
2. He has two cup holders in his car: one with a coffee, the other with a baby’s bottle.
If there was only one cup holder, chances are the coffee wouldn’t make the cut.
3. He puts the case of beer back on the shelf to make room for the case of diapers in the shopping cart.
Those days are over. Diapers are the new 24-pack.
4. He can perfectly sing every word of the theme song to “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood.”
Over, and over, and over, and over.
5. He knows how to match shoes with outfits.
Because our kids must always look better than us.
6. He always has a camera phone ready.
Pictures! It’s all about pictures!
7. He judges and criticizes other parents.
“My kids will NOT be like those kids!”
8. He assumes that things missing around the house are just under a table somewhere.
We all know that kids can get into things faster than we can even notice.
9. He has one pair of old, worn out shoes.
However, the kids have at least 17 pairs each.
10. His under-the-armpit-smell-check is accompanied by the through-the-diaper-smell-check.
We have to make sure everyone is still fresh.
11. His garage used to be filled with his toys, now it’s filled with kid’s toys.
Who needs tools or a motorcycle when you can have two playhouses, a playskool tool bench, three water tables, and a bicycle before they can even walk?
12. His frozen beer mug in the freezer is replaced with frozen storage bags full of breast milk.
If only the garage had room for a deep freezer…
13. He sleeps on 1/8th of the bed.
A 22-inch long baby can take up an awful lot of space in a king sized bed. And he better not even think about rolling over.
14. His wallet is empty.
Ha. What’s money?
15. His furniture is full of stains.
Do you really expect a kid to get every piece of food into their mouth?