Time capsules have always intrigued me. They are meant to capture the essence of everyday life for later generations, but the meaning of the items people choose to include is sometimes forgotten or lost. Almost every time capsule I’ve read about has included a newspaper from a regular ol’ news day* so the gawkers of future days could read about the goings-on in the town. Penny Sue married the baker’s son? But what of the prior engagement to the farmer? Seriously, I love this stuff.
It had me thinking, though. It’s 2016 and we live in the age of the Internet. What would encapsulate a day in the life of us “regular ol’ folks” so future generations could really get a sense of what our daily lives are like? Certainly not Pinterest, for fear our descendents would be convinced we all actually eat greens out of Mason jars and have constructed our dining tables out of discarded pallets. Facebook and Instagram are, well, idealized representations of our lives at best and “lies as vast as the ocean your tanned toes are photographed in front of” at worst.
Finally, it hit me. The one honest keeper of our time and interests. The one thing that actually represents who we are: Our Google search history. And so, I would like to present to you, oh keepers of this imaginary time capsule I have constructed arbitrarily in my head, a true “day in the life of regular ol’ folks”. And by “regular ol’ folks” I mean a Chicago parent of a toddler in the middle of winter.
-How to get a baby to sleep in longer
-How to wake up at 6 a.m. refreshed
-How to go to bed at 8 p.m. in order to wake up at 6 a.m. refreshed
-How to program automatic brew timer on my coffee machine
-How to remember to set automatic brew timer at night
-Easy breakfast ideas for toddlers that don’t involve roasting a whole pumpkin first because seriously who is actually doing that?
-How bad are Eggo waffles for toddlers?
-Chicago weather today
-How many days until summer?
-How much coffee is too much coffee?
-How to stop drinking too much coffee
-How to come to terms with drinking too much coffee
–Indoor activities for toddlers that last more than two minutes
-Cleaning a house with a toddler around
-Is there a dryer that folds your clothes for you?
-How many years away is technology for dryer that folds your clothes for you?
-Bundling a toddler for cold weather without toddler crying
-Directions to Chicago Children’s Museum
-What diseases have people contracted on the El this year?
-Purell effectiveness for killing diseases people have contracted on the El
-Hot chocolate as dairy supplement
-How to get a toddler from stroller to crib napping without a meltdown
-How late is too late to drink coffee?
-How early is too early to drink wine?
*For anyone in the process of packing a time capsule for future generations, do me the mental solid and promise you will clip out any and all mentions of Trump,** please and thank you.
**Yes, I do realize you might not be left with a newspaper to pack in your time capsule.***
***I still say this is a better option.