If you haven’t been privy to the comments Gwyneth Paltrow made to E! Entertainment about being a “working mom,” here’s the quick skinny.
Paltrow told E! how easy an office job is for parents, compared to working on a movie set. “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening.” She also said, “When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day, and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”
Breathe…
This is what happens when actors raise actors, it’s generations of clueless people.
Being a parent at any level is hard. Even when you live in a $10 million mansion and have a net worth of more that $60 million, parenting is a challenge.
That being said, I have worked on plenty of sets and know that the people who have it the easiest is, in fact, the talent. The job of the crew is to make sure that the talent can focus on their job of “acting,” the grownup overpaid thing your kids do with dolls and monster trucks aka playing make-believe.
When it’s cold out, the talent stays warm until it’s time to act. When it’s hot out the talent stays cool until it’s time to act. It’s a tough gig. Before people like Gwyneth have to come onto the set, they have makeup artists making sure their hair and makeup are “picture perfect.” Before they have to “go to work” on the set, they have people picking out their clothes for them to make sure they look their best. It’s hard having all those people making all of those hard decisions for you while you are paid to Tweet to your 1.89 million followers about the importance of drinking water and hanging out with the Glee cast. Poor, poor girl.
So the million dollar bet: I bet Gwyneth ONE MILLION DOLLARS that she is unable to be a stay-at-home parent for two weeks without any help or melting down. If she wins, I will work as her man-servant in a French Maid costume for free.
If you are game, Gwyneth, here are a few things you need to understand about parenting without the $60 mil or entourage to help you get through the fortnight:
Food — This is something you cook and feed to your kids.
Cook — This is something your craft service people do for you on the set after they consult with your nutritionist.
Shopping — This is something your house manager or nutritionist does at a place called a grocery store. These are places where people have to go during the day to buy the food to bring to the kitchen to cook for the kids. See how they are tied together?
But wait there’s more!
Once the children are done eating — they do this at least three times a day, BTW — then you have to clean the dishes. Since you were raised by actors, you may not know this word. Clean is something your housekeeper probably does; it is something other parents do with soap and water in the kitchen. It’s a gross, nasty job that you have to do while somehow taking care of the kids at the same time.
Because most of us don’t have a live-in nanny.
There, you made it to 7:30 a.m. You only have 11 more hours before the kids get to bed and you can catch up on cleaning, paying bills (that’s something your business manager does), balancing the household budget (your accountant), exercising without a personal trainer or a yogi. Oh and if you are lucky, you get a shower before you fall into the bed.
So I am throwing down the challenge, Gwyneth. Come on over and live in our home for two weeks, keep the schedule we keep, do the things that we do, make the massive sacrifices that not only we make, but most parents make, and see if you can survive. Believe it or not, in the 180 years I have been married, I have yet to know a couple that has “uncoupled.”
A million bucks isn’t much for you but to a family like ours it would go a long way to pay for my kids’ college (that’s what kids outside of Hollywood do instead of go to rehab), and pay off our bills (again talk to your business manager about that one) as well as pay off our house (we have a thing called a mortgage (moooree-gage)). A mortgage is like going to the casino, but you just keep paying the house over and over again for 30 years.
You see, my dear Gwyneth, for the rest of us, parenting isn’t playing “make-believe.” It’s a hard, full-time, poop-covered, dirty dose of reality that makes you laugh, cry, sing and scream all without anyone calling “action.”
If you win, I will happily be your man-servant to cook, clean, take care of Apple and the other one all while wearing a French Maid costume and a smile.
I am waiting for your answer. Bring it on. I hope you like chicken nuggets and poop diapers, cuz we have a lot of them.
Love
DAD
