Kids haircut woes: Chicago mom defends buzz cuts

When my two little boys get buzz cuts from my husband, I get a lot of sympathetic looks from the other women in my life. They assume that my husband made the decision to buzz them and that I must have fought him tooth and nail and somehow lost, as if that ever happens. In reference to buzz cuts in general, I sometimes hear the following words: Military. Severe. Trashy. Hideous.

Some people can be so thoughtless.

Guess what? I love my boys’ buzz cuts. And the couple of times my husband has buzzed them, it was only because I demanded that he do it. Here are six reasons I staunchly defend buzz cuts:

Buzz cuts are FREE.

Let’s be honest, this is the main benefit of the buzz. Have you been to one of those kiddie haircut shops? The ones with the little cars in lieu of actual seats where your child watches two minutes of a movie opening sequence, which is about how long it takes to get his hair done? That’s $20 right there. For two kids, that’s $40. And that’s assuming you can get out of there without getting bamboozled into buying a toy. The marketing geniuses that put together those salon concepts must be laughing themselves to sleep each night on big beds made of money. Even if you just go to a regular haircut place, though, you’re still looking at $13 or so, with tip, for a child’s haircut. That’s $26 for two kids and that’s a lot of string cheese that simply, and sadly, will not be in the budget that month.

Buzz cuts showcase the perfect shape of my child’s head.

I spent a lot of those early months doing tummy time and making sure my kids didn’t fall asleep in goofy positions while deposited into a swing or car seat. The prize for that diligence was a beautifully rounded head. And, yes, I’d like to show that off.

Buzz cuts are perfectly boyish.

Is there anything more American and wonderfully little boy-ish than an adorable child in a buzz cut playing baseball, eating apple slices and giggling about a joke that centers around how stinky something smells? There is no haircut in the world that calls out “little boy” more than a buzz.

The buzz is so very summer.

You’ve got your wholesome little boy, now go ahead and picture a hot summer day; those drops of cool pool water glistening off the short fuzz of a buzz. It’s not too much of a stretch, is it? A buzzed head makes me think of gloriously sunny days, of my child running in swim trunks with a smile so wide it makes my heart want to burst.

My children are super cute in buzz cuts.

I actually think my kids are darling with buzzes. Of course, I may be a little biased. The cuts make their eyes look bigger, browner and sweeter, and I think the buzz cuts give them a fresh, clean look. Especially my older son, whose thick curly hair is downright unruly when it grows out too much.

Buzz cuts are just another form of daddy bonding.

Daddy sets up the chair for Daddy Barber Shop time and it’s an instant play date with Daddy. He even gives them suckers when they’re done! Of course, I have to sweep up afterward, but I guess it’s the least I can do . . . considering the buzz cut was my idea in the first place.

Here’s one last benefit of the buzz. Say you do it, and hate it. Oh well. That hair grows back so fast, it’ll just be another blip on the radar. You can be back to getting a $20 child’s haircut within two weeks. Three if you’re busy.

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