Spring is not a gagillion days away any more.
It’s like, in the single digits.
And you know what that means?
Spring break is just around the corner.
For some of you lucky souls, that means a plane trip to somewhere that’s not here.
For others, it means schlepping around the Chicago area with ALL OF THE CHILDREN in hopes of finding spring somewhere, ANYWHERE, without having to lose your soul and go to an indoor play land.
I’ve got you covered.
Here is my fun little list of things to do with the kids, without the kids, whatever you choose this Spring Break.
It’s gonna be EPIC.
1 Work on numbers and letters the fun way. Count the days until spring, which doesn’t really arrive here until May, so lots of learning large numbers and new letters are involved.
2 Kick the slushicles off of mommy’s car. Tons of winter aggression expressed AND the kids get to be outside in the fresh air. Just don’t forget to put them in their coats, hats, mittens and scarves.
3 See all the cool neighborhoods Chicago has to offer! Chinatown, Little Italy, Greektown … the list goes on and on. But only by car because ARE YOU KIDDING? IT’S TOO COLD TO GET OUTTA THE FRIGGIN CAR.
4 Get a Portillo’s cake shake to reward yourself for not stabbing anybody this winter.
5 Start a rumor on Facebook that it is supposed to be an unusually cold summer and that Tom Skilling said spring isn’t coming to Chicago this year. Add a link to his email at WGN, sit back and smile.
6 Go to the local tanning parlor and sit in the waiting area with margarita. Go to the front desk and ask if the cabana boy could bring some extra salt for the rim of your glass.
7 Pay your children to take down the Christmas lights. Because we know they are still up.
8 Bleach your whites on high. Get your water floaties, sit in the laundry room, close your eyes and inhale. Pretend you are at the swimming pool.
9 Buy a ton of cocoa butter. Slather it on every member of the family generously. Even the dog. It’s like you are IN the tropics. Isn’t it???
OK, so it’s not Tom’s fault the weather has been kind of crappy this winter.
Send an email to Paul Konrad instead.
He is a good sport and chances are your email will get on the air.
Then you will be famous.
You are welcome.
Happy Spring Break!