Prior to November 2018, if you had asked my husband or me if we thought any of our children were at risk for suicide, we would have responded with something along the lines of, “We are very involved and communicative with our children so we would know if they were hurting” or “No, our children are too young to be at risk” or “Our children regularly see a doctor or a psychiatrist so we aren’t worried about that.”
While all of these responses were true, our family was blindsided by the suicide of our 12-year-old, seventh grade son in November 2018.
Gabe came home from school feeling tired and a bit down and went up to his room. That is the last time we saw him alive. To say we were shocked by his death would be an understatement. Gabe did not show the usual signs of depression at home.
There were a few incidents at home and school, though, that we chalked up to teen angst. As we planned his funeral, we thought Gabe must have harmed himself while trying a prank or goofing around.
Our naiveté was crushed when content from his electronic device at school was made available three weeks later. He had been searching suicide, bullying and inappropriate content the last 11 days he was alive. It was evident that the school devices weren’t being properly monitored. We also found that he had made comments to friends about dying and they had not been taught to recognize the warning signs.
Losing a child to suicide is a parent’s worst nightmare. Knowing that our seemingly happy, outgoing son who shared a bright smile with everyone around him, was possibly suffering from depression and a target of bullying at school is absolutely heartbreaking. The only thing more heartbreaking is our belief that his suicide could have been prevented. We decided to work in Gabe’s honor to ensure another family doesn’t suffer the same loss of a child to suicide.
In 2019, we founded Gabriel’s Light. Our non-profit organization’s mission is to prevent youth suicide through education, cyber safety and kindness campaigns. We fund suicide prevention education directly to youth, their parents and schools, offer grants to organizations that help forward our mission and create programs to work directly with young people. We understand that peer intervention is one of the most effective ways to identify and help kids who are suffering.
Young people are facing huge challenges today, including gun violence, global warming and pandemic-related difficulties like social media addiction and social anxiety. Unfortunately, it is taking a toll on mental health. Over half of high school and college students are worried about their mental health. Sadly, depression, anxiety, bullying and suicide have all increased dramatically since the pandemic.
The good news is that nearly 90% of those who seek treatment for depression respond well. Additionally, four out of five who attempt suicide exhibit warning signs. There is hope and with increased awareness, education and funding, we can support those who are struggling and even save lives. And there is legislative work being done to hold Big Tech accountable for online safety and addiction.
We just ended Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month in September and now October is National Bullying Prevention Month. While mental health and safety for our kids is important to address year-round, these two months provide a dedicated time to come together with collective passion and strength around difficult topics.
People often ask what they can do to get involved or make change. At the least, we ask that everyone know the warning signs and how to help those at risk. We also have a number of ways for youth to get involved, earn service hours and become advocates for themselves and their peers.
One thing to remember, it is so important to keep lines of communication open with your children. It is a myth that talking about suicide with kids increases their risk. It is actually the opposite! Truly, we all have the power to save lives by talking more openly about mental health, knowing the warning signs and seeking help for those at risk.
Warning Signs of Suicide and What to Do
What to look for:
- Changes in mood – feelings of sadness or irritability
- Losing interest in activities
- Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
- Talking, joking or writing about suicide or death
- Isolating from everyone and everything in one’s life
- Giving away prized possessions
- Engaging in substance abuse, self-harm or risky behavior
How to Help Someone at Risk:
- ALWAYS take signs seriously, even if they are joking
- Tell a trusted adult: your doctor, a counselor, a teacher or a parent
- Call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline anytime by dialing 988
- Don’t hesitate to call 911 or visit the Emergency Room for immediate risk
Youth Mental Health Programs to Explore
Teen Mental Health First Aid Training (tMHFA)
Gabriel’s Light is offering teen Mental Health First Aid Training for kids ages 15-18. Certified instructors
teach teens how to identify, understand and respond to signs of mental health and substance use challenges in their friends and peers. Participants can earn up to 15 service hours. Email info@gabrielslight.org
Youth Ambassador Programs
Our Youth Ambassador Program allows tweens and teens to earn volunteer hours, practice skills, and contribute to an important cause. In our Kindness Campaign session this October, middle school and high school students will create a kindness campaign for their schools and communities.
Parent Mental Health Resources to Try
Download Gabriel’s Light’s Resource Guides
We’ve created a series of Resource Guides: How to Handle a Mental Health Crisis, How to Address Bullying and Surviving Loss After Suicide. Please feel free to download and share them with anyone who is in need.
Cyber Safety – Requiring Social Media Platforms to Protect Kids
There are two pieces of cyber safety legislation being considered by Congress. Find out more by clicking on the links below. Contact your state senators and ask them to support and co-sponsor KOSA and COPPA 2.0.
The Kids Online Safety Act of 2022 (KOSA)
KOSA is legislation that would require social media platforms put the interests of children first by requiring platforms to make safety the default and to give kids and parents tools to help prevent the destructive impact of social media on our children’s mental health.
COPPA 2.0
COPPA is the original federal online privacy and protection act, established in 1998. Currently, the Children and Teens’ Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) is in legislation to update online data privacy rules for the 21st century and ensure both children and teenagers are protected online.
BIO
Carol Deely is a mother of five and president and co-founder of Gabriel’s Light. In 2019, Carol and her husband Brendan founded Gabriel’s Light in honor of their son, Gabriel. Gabriel’s Light shares their story to build awareness of youth suicide, the #2 killer of youth ages 10-24, as a growing public health problem. For more information, visit gabrielslight.org.
