A blind date nearly 10 years ago brought them together. Their faith, three young children and a shared mission to uplift the at-risk youth in Chicago’s most troubled neighborhoods keep Quilen and Hannah Bonham Blackwell’s love blooming.
Together, the couple is transforming vacant city lots into beautiful solar-powered flower fields to create jobs through nonprofit Eco House and Southside Blooms, a thriving flower business. As they are changing young lives, they are raising their own kids, twins Josiah and Olive, 6, and Carver Jo, 4, to understand that there is nothing they can’t do to make their own difference in the world.
“It’s a nice little village that we’re building here and everybody has something to contribute. That’s one thing that we definitely try to really remind everyone in our community, that no one person is better than the next person. Everyone has something to contribute, everyone’s valuable, no one’s life is more important than the next person’s,” Quilen says about their vision of Chicago’s Englewood neighborhood.
“And it’s a really good example we think for our kids to see that here you have people with different backgrounds, income levels and experiences working in harmony to accomplish a larger goal that’s going to benefit everybody.”
They spent time one recent afternoon chatting about parenting in Chicago.
How has your backgrounds inspired your parenting?
Hannah was raised in an Iowa Mennonite community where service plays a huge role. “We always knew we wanted kids and we knew that we wanted to bring them in to be a part of our work and to grow up in it, to really also understand what it looks like to serve and what it looks like to live a life that’s all about uplifting other people,” she says.
“It’s one thing to teach your kids that, it’s another thing to show them that and to be doing it as a family. So I feel like having the kids watch and participate is a huge part of our parenting journey. And hopefully, we can contribute some amazing future leaders to the world.”
Quilen grew up in an upper-middle-class Wisconsin family and started volunteering at a community center serving Southeast Asian refugees in middle school. “For me, that’s really my first time realizing there’s a world beyond myself out there and really seeing that not everyone had the same opportunities that I was having as a kid. So that’s definitely something I want to instill in my children, this ideal that there are many people out there who are less fortunate than you and you have a responsibility to use the privileges and blessings that you have as children and that they’re going to have as adults to make the world a better place.”
Many parents love raising their kids in Chicago, but there can be worries, too. What’s your view?
Raising kids in the inner city isn’t for the faint of heart, Quilen says. “But then there’s also big advantages because our kids are in an impoverished environment so they’re seeing the realities of what happens when people aren’t given the opportunities to excel and when people aren’t being given back to.”
They both say they are showing their kids that there is hope.
“Hannah and I try to lead by example with our kids,” Quilen says. “… If you say you value other people, if you’re saying that your life is no more important than anyone else’s, then you got to live that out. So it’s very important that our kids are seeing us live in a way where it’s about actively trying to create opportunities for other people and for our kids to hopefully not be intimidated or scared by a gritty environment and that they can see these situations as the glass is half full.”
He says it can be easy for parents to lose sight of the world-class opportunities in the city, from culturally rich neighborhoods and museums to nature walks and forest preserves. “There really are no boundaries to what you want your kids to experience.”
What are some of the parenting lessons you didn’t expect to learn?
Quilen, who hadn’t changed a diaper until the twins were born, says even before they had kids, he loved picking other parents’ brains about the experiences. As far as lessons go, he says he’s learned kids just want to be loved and to be a top priority.
“I guess it’s not as hard as I thought it would be in the sense that really, as long as I’m committed and I’m doing my best and I’m really putting their needs above my own, things seem to work out.”
Hannah says she’s learned to prioritize what matters while extending grace to herself and other parents. She says she also loves that parents get to define what’s normal for their kids.
“A couple of nights ago, we told the kids, ‘Do you know that people think we live in a dangerous neighborhood?’ They were just kind of dumbfounded. But what’s normal for them is our neighborhood.” She says she wants them to know not everyone grows up with a white picket fence. “A message to parents is, you get to define what’s normal to your kids. So think intentionally about that and about what you can introduce to them that they’ll take with them throughout their adult life.”
Fast Talk
Your personal tagline:
Hannah: “We’re blessed to be a blessing.”
Quilen: “You get what you get and you won’t throw a fit.”
Your secret obsession:
Quilen: “Searching for used cars. I love buying used cars.”
Hannah: Thrifting. “I love a good thrift store dig.”
Best flower to say I love you:
Quilen: Peonies
Hannah: The double tulip
Best relationship tip:
Hannah: Have a common mission. “I think if you have a common mission that is your life mission and it matches the other person’s life mission, that’s going to help your parenting, it’s going to help just you be cohesive as a family unit, your marriage and it’s really going to stand the test of time.”
Quilen: Preparation. “I spent a good 10 years preparing for marriage. So I really look at the fruits of what we have today because of the hard work we put in and I put in the beginning before I even met Hannah.”
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