No one can accuse Patti Vasquez of being a shrinking violet. Injustice, cruelty and unkindness trigger this Chicago mom, who has built a career around her two boys and a microphone. She not only uses that mic to get others to think and to laugh, but to help make life better for Illinois families, particularly families who have members who have a disability.
An acclaimed comedian, she’s the host of Driving it Home with Patti Vasquez at WCPT 820 AM 5-7 p.m. Monday-Friday and deputy policy advisor and health care and human services liaison for Illinois Comptroller Susana Mendoza. A committed activist to helping people with disabilities, she is CEO and founder of With Kind Words, an organization focused on helping healthcare workers, lawmakers and educators, among others, find better ways to talk to parents in delivering the news. It stems from her experiences with raising Declan, who has hypoplasia of the corpus callosum, a rare birth defect where doctors had a long list of “nevers” about his future.
She can also be found on stage as part of the funniest moms around, Badmomz of Comedy. In her spare time, she’s writing a book to go along with With Kind Words and her experiences navigating life as a mom with a child with disabilities.
“Whether it’s a health issue or it’s a women’s issue, or it’s just storytelling in general, I’m like, ‘I guess my entire career is a screw you to somebody somewhere.’ You’re going to hear it whether you like it or not,” she says.
She credits her husband, Steve, with supporting her big ambitions. She says she knows how hard it is for many families’ relationships and finances when raising a child with a disability.
We were lucky enough to sit down to chat about parenting recently.
What are you most proud of in all these roles you’ve had?
“Being a mom. I mean, I remember even when my older son (Griffin) was born, my husband and I talked about this immediately. All of a sudden, I couldn’t remember my life without him,” she says. “There are times where it’s frustrating and it’s hard, and maybe your temper is shorter than you want it to be. Those are the things I regret the most, is when I’ve just been in the moment, everything comes boiling up because I push everything down so much.”
They’ve tried to do everything they could to advocate for Declan, 18, without shortchanging Griffin, 20.
“The fact that I raised one child who’s at the University of Chicago on a full scholarship and a child who they told me might not survive, I think we’re in the bonus round,” she says.
What are some of the biggest parenting lessons you learned that you want to pass on to others?
She wishes moms would stop comparing themselves to others and start being kinder to themselves about their parenting. “No matter how bad it is, it actually helps to say out loud, ‘I’m doing a good job … I’m doing this, whatever that is, and live to fight another day of being the best mom, whatever that is,’” she says.
What is your message to moms with children with disabilities?
“Breath,” she says. “I know that this sounds so touchy-feely, but I’ll realize that I’m holding my breath. I’ll go through a day and be like, ‘Was I holding my breath the whole day?’ … My ears are attached to my shoulders because I get so tense sometimes.”
She says bureaucracy really does make things harder for people raising children with disabilities. “My advice is, ‘You’re not crazy at how freaking much harder this is than it actually should be.’ Everything, unfortunately, is exponentially harder for us, needlessly so.”
And, something every mom needs to hear: “It’s OK if your house is a mess. Your house is never going to be as clean unless you have a lot of money. You’re not going to get all the dust and the crumbs because you have every therapy toy that you like.”
She says she will never give up on Declan’s potential. She reminds herself to love all of the things he can do and not worry so much about the things he can’t.
Fast talk
Your to-go coffee order:
Dark roast, easy cream at Westons Coffee & Tap Co., 4872 N. Milwaukee Ave., Chicago.
Your favorite place to eat out with your family?
Gale Street Inn, 4914 N. Milwaukee Ave., Chicago. “Best ribs in Chicago.”
Your personal saying:
“I’m not messing around, Mama don’t play.”
Your secret obsession:
“Someday living in a house that has an open floor plan so you can see from the kitchen to the living room. And that’s, in part, because of Declan.”
If you could change anything about your life, what would it be?
“I would have started investing when I was younger.”
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