Parenthood is a great teacher. Sure, some of the “lessons” are things you could’ve probably skated along just fine without, but few educations are this rewarding—or strange.
Chicagoland moms and dads share the silly, sentimental and sticky things they’ve learned on the journey and—spoiler—even though they’ve made us weirdos, most of us wouldn’t change a gosh-darned thing.
Before kids, would you have said this?
Googly eyes do not belong in your nose. — Hubbell R., Chicago
Yeah, you think boobs are so exciting now. Wait ’til you actually get them. — Vanessa J., Chicago
We do NOT put our mouths on ANY surface of public transportation. — Taylor W., Chicago
New rule: You have to know your new friend’s name before you can kiss them. — Jil M., Chicago
Why are there so many naked dolls on the living room floor? — Nat T., Lindenhurst
Please stop drooling on the dog. — Samara H., Chicago
Yes, I’m sure when all four of the Beatles are dead they will do a concert in heaven for your cat. — Matt B., Chicago
Can you please stop celebrating and announcing you’re tooting while we’re at Mariano’s? — Stephanie B., Des Plaines
You have to get consent before you jump off the couch on someone. — P.J. S., Chicago
Where do markers go? On paper? Then why is your body blue? — Jacqueline M., Chicago
There is no such thing as a “dressy” pair of sweatpants. — Stephanie F., Chicago
Oh, the things we never thought we’d do:
When passing through security at work, I dug in my purse for my work ID and pulled out 3 LOL Dolls and one spare pair of toddler underwear before finding my ID buried at the bottom. — Jil M., Chicago
One time I went to work, opened my bag and realized that my baby had vomited inside it. Working mom fun! — Jamie B., Chicago
Why do I now KNOW this?
No good can come from a quiet toddler. — Wendy D., LaGrange
When my kid shows me any single finger I can bet there is a booger to be removed. — Hubbell R., Chicago
I can no longer leave my house without having snacks on me—even if I’m going somewhere by myself—and my lunch at home typically consists of the food my toddler refused to eat on her lunch plate. — Jil M., Chicago
And those moments where you realize you actually miss the little punks, like…
…Begging your husband to keep the kids at home while you get to go to the grocery store by yourself, then desperately wanting to have someone sitting in the shopping cart to mindlessly talk with. — Jil M., Chicago
…Counting down the minutes until your kids go to bed, knowing full well that you’ll spend the rest of the evening looking at pictures of them because you miss them. Like a chump. — Wendy D., LaGrange
This article originally appeared in the digital edition of Hey Baby. Read the rest of the issue.