Parenting dilemma: What do you do when you don’t like the mom of your child’s best friend?

Dilemma: What do you do when you really dislike the mom of your child’s BFF but the girls are too young for playdates at each other’s home without a parent being there? 

Every Friday at 8 p.m., readers meet on the Chicago Parent Facebook page to help solve parenting dilemmas. 

“Trust your own instincts. If you “really dislike” the mom you must have some pretty good reasons why. That’s it. You don’t want the mom around your child setting a bad example for your child. There are plenty of other kids for your child to play with.” — Peggy R.

“Maybe find a playgroup and invite the mom and your daughter’s best friend, or invite a few other moms/daughters to play somewhere in addition to the one you don’t like. That way, you have other people you can talk to and the other mom will have other people to talk to, as well. Less awkward!” — April L.

“Offer to “trade off” watching the besties play. That way she gets a few hours off, then the following day/week, you get a few hours off. Otherwise, go with the flow, turn off your ears and hope time passes quickly.” — Kimberly G.

“Children aren’t friends because their parents are friends. Respect the girls’ friendship by arranging playdates in places where both parents are there and just stay cool. Bring things to do that keep you less available to socialize or participate in playing.” —  Dar L.

“Well, if she doesn’t like you either, then bring a book. If it’s because you really don’t know her, sit down and actually get to know each other. Maybe you have some walls that need to be knocked down? Or let bygones be bygones?” —  Lori S.

“Playdates never existed back in the day. How did we ever survive without them? They can be fun but it needs to be natural and stress free on all fronts, not forced.” — Deanna K.

“Don’t do playdates with that mother. Super easy. We’re allowed to put ourselves first as mothers. We should. The happier we are, the better we can be!” —  Ally W.

“Who has time for this nonsense? I just tell them we’re busy/I’m working/other obligations and actively pursue other options for my kid to socialize: preschool/kids classes/cousins/other friends.” —  Gizel B.

“I guess I would say if they are that young find your daughter new friends or suck it up and deal with the other mother for an hour here and there. If they go to school together, then I don’t think they are too young for playdates without you.” — Kati S.

“You suck it up. Put on a smiley face and deal with it. Your child deserves it.” — Avital L.

“As a mother, you should be putting your child first, that’s kind of the entire role of being a mother. Why should your kid suffer just because the “adults” can’t play nice together? For a few hours out of life, a mother can just suck it up if it is that important to their child. They’d just suck it up for a paycheck, they can do the same for their child’s happiness.” — Lisa M.

This article originally appeared in the July 2019 issue of Chicago Parent. Read the rest of the issue.

Chicago Parent Editorial Team
Chicago Parent Editorial Team
Since 1984, the Chicago Parent editorial team is trained to be the go-to source for Chicagoland families, offering a rich blend of expert advice, compelling stories, and the top local activities for kids. Renowned for their award-winning content, the team of editors and writers are dedicated to enriching family life by connecting parents with the finest resources and experiences our community has to offer.
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