The holiday season is just over a month long, but it can feel like a never-ending carousel of zoo animals and screaming children if you’re not equipped with the right crew. From work holiday parties to shopping with toddlers or even hosting a party of your own, you’re going to need back-up, sister. If I’m honest, this isn’t a job for the faint of heart, and it would be impossible to enlist just one bff. You are going to need five, count them, FIVE, of your best betches this season and not one less.
These babes are the ones in your inner circle that would come armed with martini glasses and a can of hairspray when you so much as whisper the words “help” over the phone. They are your angels in yoga pants and your knights in shining hair rollers. These five women don equal parts halos and horns, and you’re going to need them to be ready to use both.
Get ready, you’re about to break open the secret to surviving the holidays with small children. Girls, meet your Mom Squad:
The athlete
You are going to need a shopping companion with endurance and speed. She should be able to hurdle small children, slide tackle anyone who tries to poach the powdered donuts from your cart and she will shot put the last deck of Pokemon cards to your position in the checkout line. No obstacle is too demanding and no aisle is too crowded to handle your most athletic friend.
The soon-to-be mom
This person has done her research. She could tell you the safety ranking and price comparisons on every item in every catalog from children’s toys to electronics and home furnishings. Want to try that new baby swing in aisle six? She will promptly remind you of the recall history and give you the top three Google results on it’s sub-par user friendliness. This person will omit the word “returns” from your holiday vocabulary and will ensure that you receive five-star feedback on every gift on your list.
The gift wrapper
Seriously though, she creases her folds with the precision of a Gillette. During the holidays, this person is very similar to your hair stylist. She perfects her craft while discussing office drama and boyfriend blues. She’ll repair a malfunctioning bow with aluminum foil and twine. While you girls wrap up hundreds of dollars worth of Legos, you’ll discuss the world’s problems and probably solve them. She pays close attention to detail, which is a good thing because she’ll notice when you wrap the case of diapers you said you had been missing for two weeks.
The domestic goddess
She has a recipe for every ailment, and the missing ingredient to every suspenseful story. Red wine spill on white carpet? She’ll whip up a baking soda concoction to blow your mind. Think applesauce is a good substitution for canola oil? She’ll remind you of the bake sale fail of ‘09. No story is complete without her wit, and no fabric is safe in the absence of her presence.
The past-life bartender
Last but not least, this friend picked up a thing or two about multitasking with alcohol in hand. She can pair any food item in your pantry with the perfect wine, and has your usual on tap. She knows the slump you tend to fall into, and the perfect combination of girl time and liquor to get you out. Even if you don’t have much time to see her before the holidays, you will certainly need to enlist her after the season’s beatings.
Forward this to your besties that play any of these roles in your life! I am part athlete, part gift-wrapper. Which are you?
Connect with me @ChicagoMomGoesSuburban.
