Everyone knows that, post-Halloween, our children don’t need all of that candy! Here’s how we helped them out. No need to thank us, we’re just doing our jobs as parents.
10. Composted it. (In our faces.)
9. Told the kids the Switch Witch swapped out their candy for a new toy.
8. Told the kids the Glitch Witch swapped out their candy for a program in the Matrix in which there never really was any candy.
7. Built a miniature Taj Mahal out of Dots, Twizzlers and Pop rocks for some hands-on arts n’ crafts as a family. (Ate it while they were at school, but felt a certain reverence while doing so.)
6. Told the kids they could only have one more piece of candy if they shared one with us. They chose a Kit Kat. We chose two handfuls of Snickers bars, melted them down and ate it for the next hour.
5. Created a life-sized version of Candyland in the playroom. After playing a round or two with the kids, insisted on being the one to clean up the “board game.” Alone.
4. Decorated the front door like a whimsical gingerbread house. Decided that was ridiculous and most likely a rodent-attractor. Ate the candy as our civic duty.
3. Headed to Pinterest to make really fun, candy-shaped “treats” out of bananas, mashed potatoes and meatloaf, and carrot sticks. (Worked up a hunger while scrolling through adorable pictures and ate everything except one solitary Laffy Taffy.)
2. Packaged the candy up and sent it off to deserving organizations. (Intercepted the box on the way to the post office and ate the contents in our car.)
1. Stood over the sink one hour past bedtime on Oct. 31, eating fistfuls of candy like we were being timed. (Hey, sometimes you’ve gotta stick with the classics.)