Glowing skin and lush locks? Check.
No discomfort and minimal weight gain? Check.
Quick, easy labor and delivery with an impossibly adorable baby at the end? Check.
OK, hold up. That’s not exactly how it works. But when you’re so blissed out about that BFP, who can blame you for looking at the nine months ahead through rose-colored glasses.
Enjoy that feeling now, because when reality hits, these not-so-fun parts of pregnancy may have you waving the white flag.
Cankles, sausage toes and chubby fingers; cute on your babe-to-be, not so much on you. Up your H2O intake and put those feet up. We promise you’ll shrink back to normal size eventually. *If swelling comes on suddenly, it can be a sign of preeclampsia (a REAL pregnancy problem), so be sure to see your doctor right away.*
7 a.m.: Teeny tiny bump. 4 p.m.: Hello, five months along! No, that’s not baby. That’s all bloat, Momma. Our motto? It’s never too early for maternity jeans. So stock up at Belle Up Boutique, and before you know it, it actually will be all baby filling them out.
Sure, your doctor says it’s because of the extra progesterone—a hormone that causes your muscles to relax—but we’re willing to bet the Queso Fundido and Carne en su Jugo from Xoco Bistro you had for dinner played a big role. Either way, get used to clearing the room or just blame it on the dog.
At worst, it feels like your baby is taking a blowtorch to your esophagus. At best, like you swallowed a teaspoon of Co-Op hot sauce. The sooner you stock up on antacids and pop those bad boys like there’s no tomorrow, the sooner you’ll stop feeling like you’re moonlighting as a circus fire-breather.
Weird hair growth
A trusty pair of tweezers is a preggo girl’s best friend. Use them to go to town on those random hairs that seem to be popping up everywhere. “What hairs?” you ask? Just take a peek at your boobs. Yep, isn’t pregnancy sexy?
Between peeing every 15 minutes, the aforementioned heartburn hell and your sweet bambino judo-chopping away at your insides, no amount of pillows will help you get comfortable enough for some shut-eye. You probably didn’t expect the sleepless nights to begin so soon, did you?
You’ll leave car keys in the ignition in the parking lot at Mariano’s, you’ll forget words in the middle of sentences and you’ll basically function like you’re missing half your brain. Make a habit out of checking the fridge before you leave the house. Chances are your cellphone, credit card or lipstick is inside. Find all three? Congrats! You’ve officially lost it.
Your due date comes … and goes, and takes your sanity right along with it. You suddenly become very aware of each passing hour, day, week(!). In between googling “natural ways to induce labor,” try to soak up those last pre-baby moments. Your life is about to get way more chaotic, in the most wonderful kind of way.