The extracurricular calendar is empty and the kids are antsy, begging to see their friends IRL. Many parents are juggling working from home while managing their kidsโ e-learning, their steady call for snacks and demands for more attention. At the same time, many other parents are out of work and frantic with worry about how to cover the bills, let alone all those extra snacks.
Itโs been tough on everyone. In all the negative, though, weโve searched for something positive. We reached out to a few moms to hear what theyโve learned and how their parenting will be changed long after the pandemic is over. What they learned might help us all.
Walking the mine field
By: Shannan Younger,ย Between Us Parents
Shannan Younger and her daughter, Megan
Iโve learned that picking your battles is hugely important. I knew before the pandemic that you canโt fight them all, but in a time of crisis, Iโve gotten better at selecting even fewer battles than usual, and itโs been helpful for us both.
Iโve learned it is helpful to take a few minutes to myself to figure out what it is that I really need my child to do and why. When Iโm clear on that, itโs easier to let the other issues go and easier for me to articulate why I care about whatever that issue is to her. Also, Iโve learned that family fun really can happen without spending a lot. With both my husband and I out of work, and with nowhere to go to spend money, weโve had a lot of fun with what we already had, like yard games and board games weโd forgotten about, puzzles, baking, funny online videos.
Iโve also learned that while Iโd focused on showing her the wonders of our big, wide world, itโs also important to encourage her to appreciate the wonders that surround us every day. My heart was happy when she said I had to come see a beautiful sunset or told a friend how much she loves the daffodils in our yard. The Midwest is pretty fantastic, and Iโll be better about remembering that.
Learning new things
By: Jenny LeFlore, Mama Fresh
Jenny LeFlore and her son, ObieQ
Social media gets such a bad rap but in this time of isolation, it is bringing us together. We are on the South Side of Chicago doing the same dance as a kid and his grandpa on the West Coast. Thatโs beautiful. ObieQ and I are doing aย TikTokย a day. It has been so much fun and we both look forward to it. There are a couple of reasons I choseย TikTokย specifically.
1. The power of connection. One of my favorite parts of the day is when we choose our video. We scroll the โfor you pageโ or search hashtags like #kidsoftiktok. We watch all of these young people having so much fun. Dancing. Laughing. Together. Often with family members or friends. Suddenly we are not so alone in our condo. Itโs joy we look forward to.
2. Sharing with family. We send our TikToks to my parents and my in-laws. We usually see grandparents weekly so being away from them is hard. They look forward to seeing the videos of ObieQ (and I) dancing and being silly.
3. THIS is learning. Gross motor skills. Mirroring. Even editing. With every video we are also learning. I am no professional teacher, so I am trying to find learning opportunities in our organic life.
Leading with love
By: Holly Simon,ย I Am Who I Am
Holly Simon and her son, Nate
Nate bores easily. From the minute he wakes up he asked me what weโre going do today. He canโt comprehend the magnitude of this virus so I find myself repeating it 20 times a day, which only makes my heart break. Iโve learned as a mom (of five) that my kids definitely learn by example. The days that I am sad or nervous I see that in them as well.
A lot of kids like Nate donโt do well on lesson plans via the computer. He needs 100 percent human interaction. This is why this has become my worst nightmare. Zoom chats are fun for an hour, then we have to fill the other 23! Iโve learned more patience, Iโve learned to give more love, Iโve learned to give more affirmation.
I think the hardest part for me so far is that I feel like I am failing on so many levels. I feel as though Iโm not making a difference in this world and itโs horrible. Even when youโre doing your best, or you think you are, you look on social media and people are so clever, theyโve created gigantic outdoor gymnasiums. I think a lot of us moms feel like we are not living up to that.
Iโve also learned that kids are more resilient than we realize, that we as the adults are struggling more than they are. I am learning to be patient with myself as well. Iโm learning that I definitely donโt have all the answers. Iโm learning that smiles and laughter can change an awful day. Iโm also learning that fear is a gigantic obstacle and then I must lead with love.
Filling the calendar a new way
By:ย Karen Alpert,ย Baby Sideburns
Karen Alpert and her family
Ice skating five times a week. Soccer four times a week. Theater twice a week. Basketball, tutoring, play dates, etc., etc., etc. Before the quarantine, our lives were jam-packed.
And then everything stopped.
While the kids miss their activities and I even miss schlepping them to their activities, we have time to breathe now. Maybe a little too much time, but itโs taught me something. When this is all over and things go back to normal, our new normal might look a little different. Iโm not talking about how weโll be wearing masks and standing farther away from people. Iโm talking about finding a happy medium between a jam-packed calendar and one with nothing on it.
My goal is to have more white space on our family calendar.
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This article originallyย appeared in Chicago Parent’s May 2020 magazine. Read the rest of the issue here.
