Big brother’s kindergarten survival guide

We have a kindergartner on our hands. While it’s not exactly a major milestone like entering young adulthood or completing a marathon, our 5-year-old boy feels a change is in the air. He’s excited and a little anxious so his older brother and early childhood education elder statesman provided the following kindergarten survival tips for him and other kindergarten newbies.

Dress nicely on your first day

“It’s important to make a good first impression,” he emphasized, rifling through his brother’s closet like a Hollywood stylist. He assembled an outfit of khakis and an argyle sweater. “This is pretty good,” he said before spotting a button down and clip-on tie and swapping tops. “This is what you need to wear.”

Pretend school is like our house

Yikes! Among other things, that would mean that each stair step in the building would be inadvertently booby trapped with a neglected Duplo car and all the boys bathrooms’ sinks smeared with toothpaste. My son offered clarification: “I’m trying to tell him to think of school like another home so that he’s comfortable.” Oh. 

Brush your teeth before going to school

I mean, vanity and good personal hygiene go hand in hand, but my youngest son doesn’t see it that way. “I don’t need to brush my teef all the time,” he said. “The toofpaste is too spicy.” His older brother wasn’t having it. “Trust me, you do. I had three cavities because I wasn’t brushing my teeth enough. And you want good breath. Your teacher will appreciate that.”

Learn first grade math so that you’ll be smarter than everyone else

My son wants his little brother to become the first-ever valedictorian of a kindergarten class. How will he gain a competitive advantage over his fellow ambitious students? “I made a workbook for him when I was in timeout yesterday. But he hasn’t done any of them yet.” His little brother just shrugged and smiled.

Go to the bathroom. Don’t wait. 

“It’s not healthy to hold it in, and you can’t concentrate well when you have to go to the bathroom, and then you won’t learn as much.”

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