Christopher Garlington lives in Chicago in a standard two kids, wife, dog, corner-lot, two car, small-business-owner American dream package. He drives a 2003 Camry, sports a considerable notebook fetish, and smokes Arturo Fuente Partaga Maduros as often as possible.  His stories have appeared in Chicago Parent; The Kentuckian, The Orlando Sentinel, The Daily Herald, Exito!, Florida, Orlando, Orlando Weekly, Catholic Digest, Retort, Another Realm, The Dead Mule School of Southern Literature, South Lit, and other magazines. He is the infamous author of the award winning parenting blog, Death By Children.

Past articles

Showing 1 - 10 of 15

 

My last birthday party as supervisor
February 20, 2012
As every parent knows, except Christopher Garlington, unattended boys and Silly String makes a dangerous combination. 

The things we do for love
January 23, 2012
 

Parenting by text
January 9, 2012
Christopher Garlington reflects on how his life has gotten quieter since his family started texting all of their conversations. 

Funny Dad | Raised by Google
August 26, 2011
Google is cheating one Chicago dad out of the usual father-son rites of passage. Except one. 

Funny Dad | Son afflicted by acute vegetarianism
July 25, 2011
When my son told me he was a vegetarian, I was standing in the kitchen in an apron that read "Kill it/Grill it," cradling a pork shoulder I had slow-roasted for 12 hours. I told him he was in the wrong house. 

Funny Dad | Son afflicted by acute vegetarianism
July 15, 2011
When my son told me he was a vegetarian, I was standing in the kitchen in an apron that read "Kill it/Grill it," cradling a pork shoulder I had slow-roasted for 12 hours. I told him he was in the wrong house. 

Chicago dad takes aim at training his dogs - and kids
April 26, 2011
The secret to well-trained children? An $800 squirt bottle meant for dogs. Just ask my kids.  

Why can't my family just watch TV?
April 11, 2011
My family are pause-aholics. There is no cure. They turn a 30-second commercial into a 10-hour miniseries. I swear to God if they hit pause again, I’m going to throw the remote into the blender.  

Want an obedient kid? Get some leverage
March 14, 2011
Our son's summer trip to Japan has proven to be a 40-foot-tall, diamond-encrusted, solid-gold carrot. Who knew that was all it took to get him to take out the trash? 

Of cats and men: Chicago family tries to name cat
January 24, 2011 - Comments (3)
We've spent the fiscal equivalent of the gross national product of Narnia at Petco, catproofed the house and introduced it to the dogs. Now comes the hard part: naming it.