5 tips for play date success
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Thursday, February 11, 2010
When children with special needs and typically developing children become friends at school, church or through after-school activities, both children benefit. When a friendship begins blooming, parents should encourage the relationship as they would any other childhood friendship.
A great way to do that is to have them get together for a play date outside of school or their shared activities.
1. Practice makes perfect
Barbara Boroson, a licensed master's-level social worker and mother of a child on the autism spectrum, suggests parents of both typically developing kids and children with special needs should role-play with their children before the play date. "Take a few minutes to guide her toward considering her friend's interests, hobbies, likes and dislikes," she says.
2. Ask the parents
Talk to the parent of the child with special needs before the play date to see if they have any suggestions that may help it go smoothly, such as activities the child enjoys. Be sure to ask about any allergies or medical conditions you should be aware of.
3. Set sharing guidelines
Know that sharing can often be an issue. "Some children with special needs keep very careful track of certain toys and accessories and cannot tolerate anyone touching, moving or changing them," says Boroson. "Before another child comes to play, it can be helpful to suggest that your child put away any toys he feels he cannot share and know that any toys he leaves out must be shared fully."
4. Find common interests
Encourage the kids to bond over common interests, such as sports, books, music and games. If an activity is going to be challenging for the child with special needs, steer the children to an activity that both kids can participate in. Many parents are surprised at how naturally they bond and select activities that both are interested in.
5. There's always next time
If the play date does not go as planned, remember play dates
with two typically developing children do not always go smoothly.
Brainstorm with the other parent ideas to help the next play date
go better, such as meeting at a quieter location or meeting at a
different time of day.
Jennifer Gregory
Our picks
Forgot my referenceBy T.J. Lambert on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 About.com has a good article on why it is important and necessary to set up play dates not only for your children, but for you. In the article http://singleparents.about.com/od/makingtimeforyourself/qt/whyplaydates.htm it talked as if to a single parent, but i think it can be to any parent single or not. |
5 play date tipsBy T.J. Lambert on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 There are several great points mentioned in this article about how to have a play date run smoothly. Some tips that I would include would be 1) Allow the new play date to come over to your home and look around prior to the date. This will help them to feel more comfortable when they come for a longer period of time. This will also help the parent/guardian more comfortable. 2) Have snacks ready for the children. Often times if children are hungry it can cause meltdowns. To prevent this find out snacks that the other child likes and can eat so that you are prepared for this situation. 3) Limit the areas the children can go in your home. This will help you to keep an eye on everyone, and also will let the children know what there are rules and limits in your home. 4) Make the children aware of the limits and rules that are set for your home. Keep them the same as when it is just your children. You don’t want to change things up so that your children are confused to what they can and can’t do. This will help the children to be able to play with no concerns. 5) Have a couple of future dates available for the next play date. If the date goes well you will want to have more. It is healthy not only for the children, but also for the parents. Make sure that you continue a good thing! |
my 5 tipsBy Mike Krol on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1. Have the child pick which other child they may want to have the playdate with. 2. Feed your child before the date. 3. Gently enforce house rules. 4. Remember that you are in charge. 5. Step in to resolve disputes. Good article on tips at this website. http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/193384/22_tips_for_a_successful_childrens_pg6.html?cat=25 |
No Experience Of Mine Own, But Here's Five More TipsBy Laura M. on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1. Set a time and check in regularly. Special needs children may not have the stamina to keep up with the play of non-disabled children or they may tire out non-disabled children more quickly. 2. Don't be afraid to play with the kids. Since some interaction might need friendly push, begin the activities with the children and model good friendship behavior. 3. Be flexible. Sometimes parents overplan for guests. Don't feel like you have to cover everything on your schedule. The kids can always try it next time. 4. Include breaks and snacks. Surf Net Parents reminds parents that sometimes kids need breaks from the action and nourishing them with a healthy snack will keep the kids happy and give them energy! 5. Know when to step away. Surf Net Parents insists that parents should step aside if the playdate is going well. It will give children confidence to know that you trust them to act as courteous hosts without your supervision. |
5 Tips to AddBy Kim Capretz on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Play dates are an essential part of growth for children. All kids need to interact with other children to learn how to share and communicate. This is especially helpful for children with special needs. Here are my five additional tips for a successful play date: 1. Keep it short so it doesn't interfere with naps. 2. Limit the play date to one guest. Children sometimes pair off and you don't want anyone to feel left out. 3. Explain the house rules so all children know what is acceptable. Some examples, are clean up after yourself, say please and thank you, or don't feed the dog your snacks. 4. Parents should have good lines of communication so all children are safe and feel comfortable. If a problem occurs it is important to work through them. For the first few play dates it may be helpful to have all parents present. They can be in another room enjoying quiet time, but if needed they can easily step in. This is really important for the child with special needs. Being in a new surrounding can sometimes be scary or overwhelming and the comfort of their parent may be appreciated. 5. Plan activities in advance. It is good to have variety so kids do not become bored and so the parent is prepared. I learned this tip from an article titled, "Play Dates for Kids with Asperger's Syndrome" by Gabi Larson. She states, "Parents can plan ahead to help lower the anxiety and set simple guidelines." This helps a child with Asperger's feel safe and in control because they like having a set schedule. An example, would be first we will play with legos, enjoy a snack on the patio, and then go for a walk to the park. This is helpful for all children so they know what is expected and they all feel like they are being treated equally. |
5 MoreBy Kathy K on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 My recommendations for additions to this list are: 1. Not only should parents of both children role play likes and dislikes, etc., it is important for the parent of the non-disabled child to practice behaviors that will help support interaction between the kids. For example, when playing with a child who has a hearing disability, gently touch them on the shoulder to get their attention. 2. During the playdate, one child or both children may be hesitant to interact. The host parent could begin an activity and invite the children to join in. Once they are comfortable, back away and let them play. 3. Autism Speaks suggests carefully choosing toys with the child's disability in mind. Flashing and spinning toys can trigger seizures. Loud noisy toys may aggravate a child sensitive to loud sounds. 4. Allow the children to be active and silly. Laughter brings people closer. 5. Provide similar versions of toys so young children can play the same things next to each other. I would also suggest that children are supervised at all times. Parents have to set the example for their children by treating both non-disabled and disabled kids equally. |
Ensuring playdate successBy Kristen W on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 I myself do not have children of my own, however, I have nieces and nephews and many of my friends have children. I have gone on playdates with my nephew while my sister and brother in law were both working. I feel that in order to have playdate success, There should be a limit to the number of children involved in the playdate. Often times, the more children involved the harder it is for the children to interact with eachother and be cooperative and friendly. Set rules and guidelines, make sure the children and their parents know the expectations in this house. The rules will ease the playdate to run successfully. Set timelimits. Don't allow the child to spend 7 hours at a playdate, children get tired and need a break too. Communication is a must!!! Find out all the information from the other parents as to basic medical info, disability information, potty training, allergies, etc. This will help you run the playdate and provide the genuine care needed for this other child. Lastly, PLAN!!!! Plan this playdate weeks in advance. This will give you time to prepare. Pick activities suitable for both children plan a healthy snack for each child that fits in their diet. Planning is essential for success. There are many tips available to parents looking to plan playdates including websites that give in home activities for these occasions. I found in my research that the tips are endless. Here are a few good websites as well that can help with planning for a successful playdate. http://www.buzzle.com/articles/how-to-plan-playdates-strategies-fun-success.html http://childcare.about.com/od/enrichment/a/playdate.htm |
5 more tips from a mom/teacherBy Jackie C.S. on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Play dates can be both fun and challenging. The younger the children are the more supervision they will need. Here are five more tips for those setting off on that adventure. 1. Limit the time the children spend together. I don't know if there is a "rule of thumb" for how long a play date should last but it should not be so long that the kids grow tired of each other or your nerves grow frazzled. Remind the children that there can always be another play date on another day. 2. According to the article "22 Tips for a Successful Children's Play Date," by Carol Bengle Gilbert, located at http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/193384/22_tips_for_a_successful_childrens.html?cat=25, it is important to be flexible about possibly having to change the play date. Things may come up for the parent or the child may decide that he wants to just stay home. Don't take any of it personally. It's just life and it can get in the way sometimes. Reschedule the play date and enjoy a different activity with your child that day. 3. Don't send a sick child to a play date. Whether the play date is at your house or somewhere else, it your child is sick she should stay home or not have another child over. Some things are just not good to share. 4. Feed your child before he goes to a playdate. Hungry children get cranky fast and that can lead to trouble. I never expected a parent to feed my child at a playdate but if the parent offers, be sure to share any information about food allergies. 5. One more tip from Carol Bengle Gilbert is to remind children about greetings. Often children say hello to each other when they meet for their play date but saying goodbye is another story. Be sure to remind your child that it is important to walk a friend to the door, thank them for coming, and say goodbye. This makes everyone feel appreciated and is also a lesson in good etiquette that every child should learn. |
5 Tips from a non-parentBy Suzanne S on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 When I was younger, I do not remember having "play dates." This may be a result of my parents long drawn out divorce when I was at the age of 6-10. I remember asking my parents if I could go to a friends house or have a friend over at my house. I do not have any children of my own, however between my sister an brother I have five nieces. I will agree with Michael S. above, you do have to begin slowly and have a lot of patience. I am learning this first hand through my nieces. I think these five strategies could help for a successful play date: 1. Start the play date off with another child that is a close friend at school. I think by having a close friend from school that the child is used to interacting with may help it become more successful. 2. If the play date is successful, try limiting the first time frame from 30 minutes and possibly increasing it over time. I would recommend the first few play dates to be with the same child. 3. All play dates should be supervised by a parent. During the play dates I think the parents should focus on the two children rather than having other sibilings around. The focus here is so the two children on the play date can create a play date relationship. As time continues and play dates are successful, it might be possible to include a sibling to the mix. 4. If the play date is not in your home and the play dates are successful, send the child with an extra set of underwear and pants in the event of an accident. This would only needed after a few play dates as the time limit increases. 5. If you have a play date scheduled and your child is sick or not feeling good, reschedule the play date. I would not take any chances. The chance of sending your sick child to a play date can get the other child sick and might interfere with a future play date. If the child does go to a play date sick and gets another child sick, the parents may get upset and not invite your child again. |
TeacherBy MIchael S on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 I believe that you have to begin slowly and have lots of patience. First, a conversation between the parents of the children that the play date is set fo. Come up with a simple way to educate each other about each child’s behaviors. If you are the parent setting up the play date, the following tips could apply; 1. Set up the play date in your own home, if possible. Your child is familiar with this environment. 2. Limit the time based on the child’s ability to be with others. I think a half hour is more than enough time for the first play date. 3. Decide on an activity that you know that your child can engage in. At first, supervise the two children in the activity. If they seem engaged let the children continue the activity without supervising every minute they are together. 4. Have multiple activities available if the children do not respond to the initial activity. 5. Leave time for cleaning up, possibly a story and snacks. If this play date was successful, continue with short play dates but increase the time with others as long as the children can tolerate longer interactions. |
5 more tipsBy Crystal G on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Plan- Plan short visits in the beginning with the children and the parent(s). Organize in advance any supplies or materials that may be needed for the date. Make sure that everything is in proper working order. Know the play date’s ability- By knowing children’s needs and knowing their natural abilities, the play date can be a guide into independence. Build family/community relationships- I believe that the African proverb, “It takes a village to raise a child” teaches that when a network of supportive family members, neighbors and a community work together for the betterment of the children then the children will in turn flourish. Reflect- Look back and reflect on what went well and not so well. Being able to reflect on your day will help you learn from your mistakes as well as improve in areas. God- Always put God first. Despite our differences in our physical appearances or abilities, God created all of us to enjoy the world. God wanted mankind to co-exist peacefully with each other in the world |
Communication is the KeyBy Tom O. on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Setting up a play date for a special needs child can be a complicated task but may end up very rewarding to the child and parents when it works well. The biggest element of this often difficult time is communication between all involved. When done right his can be an excellent learning and socialization experience for everyone. The five most important elements to having a successful play date in my opinion would be; 1. Communicate honestly with parents you are trying to establish this experience with. Do not try to mask some of the realities of the situation in hopes that this will work. It is best to be upfront and honest about your expectations and concerns 2. Establish a time frame for the date. How long will this meeting last? 3. Find activities that the kids have in common as an icebreaker. 4. Communicate with the children any boundaries or specifics prior to the meeting especially when dealing with more severe disabilities. Use this as a learning experience for all involved. 5. Give the kids space, and let the kids be kids. Constant interference or guidance will detract from the experience and end up being a hindrance. Give them a chance to enjoy themselves. While it is not necessary to have children with special needs play with other children with similar challenges it may often help the child to identify with someone else. Dennis Crosby set up a non-profit website that helps parents of students with disabilities find others in their area to set up opportunities. Based upon his experience with his niece, he found it was comfortable to have his niece be with other children with Down syndrome. While she often played with other children he found this experience to be rewarding and wanted to establish a way for parents to network and possibly share their experiences by meeting through his online database. This site seems to be quite new but with the popularity of other social networking sites at an all time high could present an interesting option for parent of special needs children Dennis Crosby’s Play dates inc- website with database from special needs parents to set up meetings. www.playdatesinc.org Playdates for Kids with Asperger's Syndrome http://autistic-child-parenting.suite101.com/article.cfm/special_needs_play_date |
My 5 tipsBy Janna M on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 As an educator, therapist, and soon to be mother I realize how important play dates for children (and parents) can be. Especially on a developmental level. 1. Setting a time that works for both parents. I know that many parents work, but the time set aside does not have to be a long period of time. Even if you are only able to meet for 30-45 minutes, it still can reflect positive interaction for your child. 2. Don't set your expectations too high. I know as a therapist I always enter the home with an agenda and goal to be met. When it comes to a play date, make it fun and simple, and if things don't work out the first time, remember there is always another time. 3. Express Creativity. Some children, especially ones with special needs, need assitance in expressing creativity. Have a planned craft or hands on activity that can release the creative energy that is stored inside some of these children. 4. Encourage communication between the children. Often times parents are the ones communicating with one another as they send their children off to play with one another. Lead by example, encourage them to use words to express their wants and needs to their peers. 5. Demonstrate direct play. Believe it or not, some children have never played with a peer before and are unaware of how to do it. As the adult faciliatator demonstrate with each child how to directly play with one another, set up an opportunity to role play and then walk away and see if the children pick up on the cues demonstrated. |
My own 5 tipsBy Megan Collins on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1. Encourage the other child to bring toys or movies from their home. If the children can share them then can bond over their common intrests. 2. Encourage communication. Let the child know that they can ask you anthing they want and if they feel like contacting their parents allow them too. 3. Try to find an outdoor activity to do. Many children with special needs love the outdoors whether going on a swing or playing with a basketball if it gets the children out it's a plus. 4. Play with the kids. Children with special needs feel comfortable with people they know and if they see you playing a game with the other child they will hopefully want to joint. 5. Do not expect too much from the first play date. Like any relationships people need to bond first before they really feel comforatable. Unless there is a total meltdown consider the first play date a success. |
Promoting positive friendshipsBy Kim A on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Having four of my own children, they always had someone to play with. But it was nice for them to have a friend over occasionally. A play date gave them an opportunity to develop a friendship with someone of their own age, build self-confidence, and encourage social skills. As Kristen Burke says in Promoting and Encouraging Friendships for Children with Special Needs (www.earlyinterventionsupport.com) "Experts agree that friendship is not a luxury, it is essential to life". Here are a few suggestions for play dates: As parents I do feel it is our job to protect our children. We need to encourage friendships with children who would be compatible with our child. Finding the right fit with a child who has similar interests, temperament, and personality as our child will help develop into trusting relationship. Keeping the play date to just a twosome will help with any sharing issues that may arise. It is much easier to share with one other child than with a group. Blending two personalities seems to work better than blending a group of children. I would also suggest having an activity planned. Many children do not know how to play together, but by having an activity to particitate in may help them interact with each other. Have a back up plan in case your original activity isn't as successful as you had hoped. Another suggestions would be to call the other parent before hand to discuss any concerns you may have. This would be a good time to discuss your planned activites, share likes and dislikes, and any concerns you may have. Finally I would suggest to keep the play date short. Finishing before they are tired will help to end the session on a good note and the children will hopefully want to get together again soon! |
Life LessonsBy Sandy Orosz on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1. Set rules is important so the children know the boundaries for the play date. For example, my rule is that children eat in the kitchen and the doors are always open. 2. Give ideas and plan for activities. When my children were smaller, I always set up an art center with activities that they can do. I also let me children pick out a few games that they want to play. My son would prefer to play video games or computer games but I would limit it to 20 minutes at the end of the play date. 3. Don't force play dates for your child. I know this sounds like common sense but I had a parent (friend) approach me about having our children play together and my daughter didn't want to. The parent kept pushing and I finally let my daughter make the choice. 4. Be in charge, as a parent you need to supervise and manage the play date. Stay at home and be close by so you can properly supervise the children. 5. Set a time limit, I think one hour or one and a half hours is plenty of time for a first play date. It may not go well and then it has a reasonable ending time. A helpful web site was arranging play dates at http://singleparents.com/od/makingtimefor yourselfqt/howplaydates.com. This web site offered practical advice on how to arrange the play date. The number one thing on the list was to communicate to the parents, before and after the play date. If it didn't go well then be honest with the parent, stating what happened. |
educator/parentBy Karen F. on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Play dates are a wonderful thing for children and families if a family’s schedule allows. As Steve said, it is becoming more common that both parents are working in order to support the family. My husband and I are parents who continued to work after the birth of our daughter, who is now 17 years old. We believe there are other options parents have besides play dates, for us it was daycare and preschool. Our daughter gained friendships that she still has today, social skills, a structured yet creative environment and the understanding that friends come in many different ways. Some people may not agree with our decision for one of us not staying home with our daughter when she was young but we always had and still have what we call “family time” even with our crazy schedules. Our version of play dates occurred mainly on weekends with sleepovers with her friends with a variety of activities planned or if we decided to go hiking, biking, or shopping we would let her have a friend or two join us. As children get older, they will continue to have different versions of a play date with different activities and guidelines. I guess no matter what age the child/children are there are always some key rules that should be followed… 1) Be creative and do something fun. 2) Extend an invite to the parents to join in the fun. 3) Rules of the house/Expected behavior/Consequences for poor behavior 4) Communication with the parent (cell phone number, where they are going, what are your doing, is there full-time supervision, when are they returning, etc.). 5) Allergies, Medical conditions, fears of anything or do they need assistance with certain activities. 6) Think about the next outing. http://singleparents.about.com/od/makingtimeforyourself/qt/howplaydates.htm Believe it or not at 17years old my daughter and her friends are already planning their summer “play dates” and the various activities, projects, sleepovers (Oh, they are called “girls night” when they get older), etc. We all have just as much fun now as we did when she and her friends were younger. |
My 5 Tips for Play Date SuccessBy Steve Swanson on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 1: Setting a Time Setting an appropriate time for a play date is crucial. Now, more than ever, both parents are working to make ends meet and setting the right time to meet with their child is a must. Also, shorter get-togethers of around an hour or two are best since kids tire quickly. 2: Respect Allergy Guidelines Many moms have to worry about a child who has severe allergic reactions. It's easy to imagine how awkward it is for these moms to give the host a list of restrictions, but it’s their child’s safety that’s on the line. They can manage the environment in their own home, but are counting on hosts to follow any important restrictions to the letter when they come over for a play date. If a mom asks her host to wipe down the table where the kids will be eating or to avoid serving certain foods, the host can thank her for making you aware of the situation and assure her that this is no trouble. Read more at Suite101: Parenting Help for Hosting a Fun Play Date: Parenting Tips for Stay at Home Moms Connecting Through Play Groups http://parent-child-outings.suite101.com/article.cfm/how_to_host_a_play_date_in_your_home#ixzz0i1Y99zUn 3: Decide Where Kids Will Play Having set areas where the children will play ensures that you can control the safety of the environment the children are in. Doing this will not only make your play date go smoother, it will ease anxiety of the other child’s parents because they will know that you will be supervising them in a set area. 4: Offer a Snack Offering a snack can make your guest feel welcome in your home. Just make sure that the snack is something that the child likes and is not something that will cause an allergic or choking reaction in the child. You can also set up an activity for the children based on making the snack that they will eat. A good reward and food fun! 5: Follow up With an E-mail Sending an email to the other child’s parents is a good thing to do because it will open up the lines of communication with them. That way if you or the other parents have any concern, question, or if you want to set up another play date, you can do it by email. What a great idea! |
lessons extending beyond schoolBy pete post on Tuesday, August 30, 2011 Thank you for the reminder that real education goes beyond school walls. This is Professor Pete Post of Trinity Christian College and I am going to challenge my certified teachers in ASPED 317 to do some research and add an additional 5 suggestions for this very important social skill. When I think of playdates I always recall the story of a mother with 3 sons on the spectrum. After finally getting a friend to come over (although play was more parallel than interactive), it was time for the friend to leave. With some coaxing to say "goodbye" the woman's son yelled out, "Good-bye and if you ever come back again we will kill you" which he had learned from a scene in the Lion King. Hyenas can be such poor role models! |
My thoughts
By Karen A. on Tuesday, August 30, 2011
There is an article that I found on about.com:childcare that has additions tips for ensuring play date success. The article was not specifically for special needs children, but children are children with or without special needs. The article's tips include: if your child is at someone else's house to ask about other people who are in t he home. Are there any smokers? What is the rules in the home regarding TV or video games? If this homes rules are not the same as yours you need to ask that for the play date they could follow your rules. If they cannot maybe a play date there would not be the best idea for you and your child. Do they have any pets? If your child has allergies make sure the host(ess) is aware. You may want to bring your own snack for your child. If you do bring your own snack, be sure to bring enough for the other child and any sibling to avoid any food scquabbles. Set a specific time to pick your child up. Be on time. Not early, not late. Make sure your child helps to clean up before you leave. Thank the other child and the host(ess) for the play date. If all went well, set up a time to return the favor. If you're the hostess, many of the things still apply. If the other parent does not ask about pets, or snacks, TV, etc..., tell them the basics anyway. it may be difficult for them to ask, so you can start the conversation about what the children are going to be doing. Ask if the other child has any allergies. Set a time to clean up about 15 minutes before the play date is to end. You do not want your child to be stuck with all the clean up. If that happens your child may resent the other child. As a parent, when you are having a play date, you need to be sure you have all needed information so that you are comfortable with the date, and do your best to ensure that the other parent is also comfortable with the situation.