Where's the LOVE? Moms come clean on judgment and competition among mothers


Rae Ann Mattson, Naperville, mom of 3

Why do you think mothers judge other mothers?

I think mothers judge each other to help justify the ways in which they are mothering. There isn't a how-to parenting book. I constantly walk around wondering if I am feeding them the best foods, washing their clothes in the least toxic detergent, keeping to a nap schedule, and the list goes on and on. After having my third child, I surrendered to my situation and had no choice but to become more confident in "my" chosen mothering skills and not worry about what others are thinking.

Have you been criticized by other moms or found yourself judging others?

We had major sleep issues with our first child and I was exhausted and venting to a friend. Instead of just listening, she instead told me I may not be cut out for motherhood and should maybe go back to work. Not what a tired and frustrated mom needed. Five years later that comment still stings.

How do you try to stop the competition among mothers?

It is a real time-waster, to be honest. Becoming a mom has been one of the most challenging things I've ever done and I have found it important to surround myself with other similar-minded moms who support one another. What we need to tell each other more is that we are doing a great job.



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