It's just a three letter word. A three letter word that
undoubtedly has you simultaneously curious, introspective and
Then there's this word: Intimacy.
Yikes. A lot more complex reactions. We know what the word
sex means (as a parent you've had it at least once). Despite all
odds, many parents are still having it.
But intimacy? That's a little different. Finding time in
between loads of laundry is hardly "intimate." When you first met
there were long talks into the night, and that sex thing? It was,
well, easy. Now you schedule it. And the last long talk you had was
about auto insurance.
Whether you're still having sex or it got lost in the
to-do list, there are people to help you get intimacy
"... What we encounter for couples, and particularly
couples with children, is that intimacy and sex go to the wayside.
We show them how they can bring intimacy into their lives as a
daily practice," says Elsbeth Meuth, who co-owns TantraNova in
Chicago with her partner Freddy Zental Weaver.
Tantric, for many of us, is "that thing Sting does." But,
Meuth says, there's more to it than just sexual
If you're picturing a group of people in robes and a
fishbowl full of keys, think again. It's much tamer than
A base of the TantraNova way is simply learning to breathe
with each other, Weaver says. It calms the mind and helps the
So it's not quite the Fifty Shades of
Grey you were imagining.
Emily Harrell, LMFT, owner and sex therapist at the Center
for Mindful Living in Schaumburg and Chicago, says the biggest
misconception about sex therapy is that it's all about sex, not
Parents have a host of concerns, time being one of them,
"When you have children, you're constantly in a position
where your time is limited and your attention is constantly
occupied. By the time evening rolls around, those parents report to
me they don't have the energy for sex. Even if they wanted to
earlier in the day, they are kind of done," she says.
Women, in particular, have a tough time of things. For
one, they often feel less sexual after becoming a mother. Harrell
notes that for the most part, the sexual objects in our culture are
young and single. There's also the fact that women's brains work
differently than men's.
"We are web-thinkers, which means we're multitasking.
We're really good at that. That's not a skill set we want in the
bedroom," she says.
So, who's seeking help in the boudoir? Apparently, a
little bit of everyone. A variety of age groups, ethnicities,
economic status and education level take advantage of TantraNova's
teachings, Weaver says.
"There's the couple that come to us because they want to
expand their relationship. Then there is the couple that loves each
other but the spark went out of their intimate connection. The
third category is the couple that comes to us as the last resort,"
Weaver says being happy at home leads to being happy
elsewhere. So it's worth what you're willing to throw at it. After
all, it's as big of a risk to improve your intimacy as it is to
Christy Bonstell spends most of her time making people laugh. The best laughs are the ones she gets from her son, Keagan.
See more of Christy's stories here.
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