Share your feelings

A better sex life may not start between the sheets, but at your kitchen table. "If you're feeling bad about a low sex drive or low sex frequency, talk to your partner," says Herbenick. "If you're worried about it or disappointed, they probably wish they were having more sex or better sex, too."

Simply bringing it up can help-maybe the two of you can brainstorm some ways to have more time alone, or agree to make it a bigger priority.

"Most couples don't talk about sex when they're not having it and that's not good for the relationship or their sex life," she explains. "If you're not having sex, let your partner know it's on your mind and that it's important to you, too. Your partner may think you're not in love or attracted to him anymore, or that you're having an affair."

That level of honesty can help get through the rough patches when sex may be the last thing you crave.