First step: Forget about feeling guilty.
"Sex is important, but at the same time, I hate when people beat themselves up over it and have such high expectations," says Herbenick. "Completely forget about what everyone else is doing. There's always that one friend who talks about how much great sex they have or how they sneak into bathrooms at parties to do it. Let go of the idea that that has to be you."
By letting go of the guilt, you're less likely to have sex only to please your partner, which doesn't necessarily address the problem. "Focusing on the quality is much more important," explains Herbenick. "When people focus on the frequency, they try to fit it in and try to do it so they can check it off the list and think, `now my partner's not going to nag me.'"
It's intimate sex-where the two of you feel truly connected-that really helps strengthen your bond.