The day her daughter Skye was born, Staci Sessler began pumping
her breast milk. She pumped throughout the newborn's multiple
hospital transfers-from the facility in their small town of Bureau
to a larger hospital in Rockford and later to the neonatal
intensive care unit at Lutheran General in Park Ridge.
Several times a day for the 12 days Skye held onto life, Sessler
pumped, holding out hope her child would soon be able to reap the
benefits a mother's milk provides.
Sessler's hopes were never realized, but when her baby died on
May 2, 2006, the routine and rhythm of the ritual calmed Sessler,
so she continued pumping.
"I had a hard time accepting the fact that she was gone and if I
was still pumping, it was like she was still sort of with me,"
Sessler says. "Every time I pumped I had her little blanket with
After Skye's death, Sessler sought advice from nurses at
Lutheran General on how she might donate her stored milk.
"It was important to me that I passed something on of her that
someone else could use. It might be able to save someone else,"
says Sessler, who has three other daughters.
Sessler was directed to the Indiana Mothers' Milk Bank, where
she met Clinical Director Donna Miracle. Although the bank hadn't
yet been open a year, it had already received several inquiries
from bereaved mothers looking to donate, says Miracle, who has a
doctorate in human milk studies.
In fact, Miracle received the very first call-from Milwaukee mom
Theresa Stiper-just weeks after the milk bank opened its doors. The
conversation so inspired Miracle, she decided to examine the desire
for bereaved mothers to give away the milk intended for their own
For two years, beginning March 2007, Miracle interviewed 17
mothers who lost children and donated breast milk to the bank.
"The reason it's important to do research about donating milk is
there's some resistance to even offering it as an option to
mothers. If it's not offered as an option and later these moms find
out that it was, it can be devastating," Miracle says.
Moreover, feelings of despair ensue when a woman's need to feel
like a mother following childbirth is not fulfilled, says Miracle
of her research findings.
"The mothers said things like, 'I had a baby, the baby was real
and my body was continuing to act that way; just because my baby
died doesn't make it not real'," Miracle says.
"(Pumping) gives tangibility to the intangible; especially when
they lost a baby very early, it gives them another mechanism of
feeling like a mother."
Donating breast milk also provided mothers with a kind of
"When I wrote the research proposal, I thought I would be about
dealing with loss and sharing the milk, but it actually was about
honoring the baby," Miracle says. "Donation is one more way to
memorialize their babies, to give their lives meaning."
For Stiper, pumping and donating milk she had hoped to give her
son, Garrett, who died in utero at 41 weeks, imparted tremendous
value to her son's life.
"(Garrett) influenced our lives greatly without being out of my
uterus and to be able to add to the gifts he was able to give and
expand it to another family was very good for my heart and soul,"
While the donations undoubtedly benefited other babies, the
process was central in helping many moms through their grief.
"It was my anchoring point, it gave me purpose and without it I
don't know how far I would've sunk," Stiper says. "Everyone was
grieving with me, but there's only so far they could reach. It's
not a good thought in my brain to think of not having that purpose,
that continuity, that positive outcome of such a negative. It was
Stories like Stiper's resonate throughout Miracle's research
project, which involved interviewing the bereaved mothers about the
process, benefits and challenges of donating breast milk. The study
was presented at the International Society for Research in Human
Milk and Lactation in Perth, Australia.
Miracle's findings are also being used to create a Web site for
mothers who lose their babies and providers who care for the
mothers. The Web site will provide education on perinatal loss for
parents, physicians and nurses with an interactive link for
providers on how to talk to parents about the dying process.
A brochure for parents will describe the trajectory of losing a
child and what parents might witness when a baby dies, says
"All of the mothers wanted to know what death was going to look
like-what would it be like for the baby to die, if the baby would
be in pain, what would they see; they wanted to know if their color
would change. They talked about the decision to take the baby off
of the machines and whether they wanted to hold the baby or
Reliving the death of a baby was tremendously difficult for
every one of the mothers, she says.
"I'm sure Donna thought I was a basket case, but there was no
hesitation in my mind that if I could use my experience to help
someone else, I was all for it," Sessler says. "Even if it only
ends up helping one person, that's a tribute to Skye."
Sessler's thoughts of Skye will always be tinged with sadness.
"But (participating) helped give me some closure and peace of mind
to know that I could do this one last thing for her," she says.
Robin Huiras is a freelance writer and mom of one living in
Robin Huiras is a freelance writer.
See more of Robin's stories here.
What to do with your weekend, delivered every Thursday.
Great deals and chances to win prizes, delivered every Monday.
Exclusive offers from our partners,usually delivered twice a week.
Resources for parents of children with special needs,delivered the second Tuesday each month.