A cautionary tail
Monday, January 26, 2009
PARENTING ISN’T FOR sissies
Considering adding a dog to your family? Go for it, but be warned: A dog will steal your heart, your shoes and quite possibly your sanity and will change the dynamics of your family forever.
My kids were 1 and 4 and I was just starting to get my groove back after years of sleep deprivation when we got our first dog. Annie, an adorable beagle/Jack Russell mix, was definitely a morning person. She greeted each day and each of us with great gusto, generally before 5 a.m.
Sleep deprivation was one thing, but when Annie tired of having small children probe her eyeballs and retaliated by growling at Noah and biting Holly a week after we got her, she was swiftly returned to her previous owner. It wasn’t Annie’s fault. We just weren’t the right family for this kind of dog, but I felt I’d failed them all.
Eventually we tried again. We thought we had it made this time with an 8-week-old puppy we could train. Abby, a Saint Bernard, had so much in common with our kids: she was a warm-fuzzy who just needed to be housebroken and I was in potty-training mode anyhow.
This is best accomplished by immediately scooping up the puppy as she squats, to teach an association between urinating and being outside, but it’s not always convenient for parents of young children who resent having their parents’ attention divided.
Nothing can compare, however, to the time Abby stealthily sidled past me out the front door and bolted for freedom. Accustomed to humiliation by then, I grabbed a leftover Cornish Hen from the fridge, hoisted Holly up on one hip and sprinted after my spirited dog. I stood in the middle of the street, waving the hen over my head like a lunatic, and begged Abby to return.
Sure, we did the puppy-training thing, but, ultimately, a puppy is still a puppy (for two to three years) and kids will be kids—especially wee ones. Abby was only 10 months old when that reality became impossible to ignore. Twice, after irresistibly dizzying romps with the kids through the house, our by then 125-pound and still growing Saint Bernard (think Scooby-Doo, Clifford and now Marley) accidentally knocked Holly off her feet, her head landing within a hair’s breadth of the radiator. I was heartsick but the choice was clear: Abby had to go back to her breeder.
As a wannabe dog owner I was batting a thousand. I felt like I’d given up a child, but size matters when considering the right pup for your pack. I’m not proud of our track record—it’s horrifying, actually—but I hope my family’s experience can save yours some heartache.
We hope the third time’s the charm and think we’ve found the dog for us: Jake, a 1-year-old rescued Golden Retriever, is the right size and temperament for us, and our children are finally old enough to pitch in and help care for a dog. The benefits to kids’ self-esteem and confidence are priceless and the joy and friendship kids and dogs can share is forever.
Things are looking up, except for Jake deciding to sleep between my husband and me, and eating a psychopathology textbook shortly after he moved in. I guess we’re in trouble if you really are what you eat.
Other things to consider when adding a dog to your pack:
• Consider your lifestyle. Is everyone on board with the commitment to adopt and care for a dog and dog-proof the house? A crate and a couple of moveable baby gates can be lifesavers.
• Are you prepared for the expenses of food, chew toys, emergency vet bills and grooming?
• Obedience training: All family members should attend. The dog isn’t the only one who needs to be trained.
• Consider adopting from a shelter. People aren’t the only ones losing their homes in the foreclosure crisis.
• Pets die. Grief is hard but is not a bad thing for kids to encounter and learn to manage. Surviving the loss of a pet can help kids learn about the natural cycle of life and how to cope with other losses later. However you explain death, avoid the "putting to sleep" phrase: young children may worry that if they go to sleep, they too will die.
Jennifer DuBose is a licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Batavia. She has been a clinical member of The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy since 1995 and is a featured blogger at ChicagoParent.com.