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Should you let your baby cry it out?

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By Sara Rontal Fisher
Wednesday, October 06, 2010

Would you let your baby "cry it out?"

 
 
 

When the excitement and adrenaline of labor and delivery end, there's only one thing that's more coveted by new parents than the corner room at Prentice Women's Hospital in Chicago: sleep.

Parents of newborns will do almost anything to get their baby to sleep. They will drive around in the middle of the night. They will leave the swing setting on "high" all day. They will hold, rock, comfort, soothe and shush the baby until its little eyes can no longer stay open.

But will parents let baby "cry it out?" Would you? Comment below!

According to an unscientific Google search, "crying it out"-or CIO as it's known-is the popular term for Dr. Richard Ferber's method of sleep training a baby and is also called "Ferberizing." The approach essentially tells parents to let their baby cry, for short periods of time, until they learn to soothe themselves back to sleep.

Most people, though, associate "crying it out" with long periods of screaming and wailing. Some liken it to baby torture. Others vouch that it's the only way their little ones were able to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Whatever the case, there are definitely two schools of thought when it comes to sleep training: those pro-CIO and those against.

We asked local parents and experts to weigh in on the topic.

The 16-week miracle

Dena Singer, of Chicago's Lincoln Park, and her husband decided at about 13 weeks that they'd transition Maxwell to his own room and crib. Previously, he'd been sleeping in a crib next to their bed.

"Once we put him in his own room he started to get up every hour," Singer says. "I slept in his rocker, the floor of his room, the hallway outside his door. It was about this time that I also, in desperation, tears and exhaustion, read every sleep book that was recommended."

She says she was willing to try anything.

The only method that made sense to her was CIO.

"It was easy and I could follow it," Singer says. "But, the doctor said not to try CIO until 16 weeks. That day could not come fast enough for us."

The first night Max cried for about 35 minutes at bedtime, 20 minutes around midnight and 35 minutes in the early morning. After about three nights, he slept through the night. He's now sleeping 7 p.m.-7 a.m.

Wiser with Babywise

Dayna Brown of Chicago's Lakeview neighborhood had a similar experience with her two children.

With her oldest, Audrey, Brown tried out the Babywise method of sleep training developed by Gary Ezzo and Dr. Robert Buckman. The Babywise approach, also called "parent-directed feeding," suggests that babies can be directed into three separate cycles of feeding, wakefulness and sleeping. By controlling the routine, the authors argue that nighttime sleeping will happen faster. It's a controversial approach, but for Brown, it worked.

"I did the wake, feed, play, nap method with her and it really worked. I would let her cry for only up to 15 minutes at one month old and most times she would fall right asleep. She slept through the night at eight weeks."

Brown, a firm believer in CIO, says she believes "a rested household is a happy one."

"I would absolutely do this again with another child. Good sleep habits are the best gift you can give a child."

Some just say no to CIO

Of course, for every CIO convert there are parents who dispute that CIO works.

For many, CIO is a matter of practicality.

"Basically, as the second child, I felt like Frankie had to 'go with it' all day long," says Robin Immerman Gruen, of Lincoln Park. "Literally, he had to go along with my daughter Charlotte's schedule and he was so good all day long that I felt if the worst thing he did was cry for food in the night, he would outgrow it and he deserved to have his 'off' moments of the day."

For others, not letting their babies cry is a matter of principle. Many parents who believe in attachment parenting or co-sleeping believe getting a baby to fall back to sleep all comes from the parents.

Chanda Szczeblowski of Berwyn is a firm believer in the benefits of co-sleeping. An attachment parenting advocate, Szczeblowski thinks night waking is vital to a baby's development. And, she is adamantly opposed to sleep training-especially in the form of crying it out.

"I think we need to ensure safe sleep and respond with sensitivity. We are parents even in the middle of the night, and we are the responsible people to give our babies what they need," Szczeblowski says. "When they are babies, their wants and needs are the same thing. This is why I'm adverse to cry it out."

Szczeblowski uses co-sleeping. Her children, 6 and 3, bunk up on a mattress next to her and her husband's bed.

"I thought there was less wakefulness with my babies who co-slept," Szczeblowski says. "It continued to help with breastfeeding and with working full time."

Amanda Krauss, of Lincoln Square, also does not believe in cry it out and co-sleeps with her 20-month-old son, Landon.

"Co-sleeping helps the night sleep," Krauss says. "He's always happy to go to sleep as long as my husband or I are there."

Krauss tried solitary sleeping and even let Landon cry, but it didn't work. "He needed to be touched by me while he slept and I felt more comfortable with the co-sleeping."

In addition, Krauss thinks we put pressure on ourselves to get our babies to sleep at certain age milestones, and that it can make us more negative parents.

"We have to change our expectations of what we expect from our babies," Krauss says. "If you change your perspective and look at how other countries do it, there's not a big obsession with sleep."

Szczeblowski agrees.

"Attended crying and unattended crying are two different things," Szczeblowski says." It's scary to be alone. Wouldn't you want someone to take care of you when you are upset?"

This article appeared in the Fall 2010 edition of Chicago Baby.

Sara Fisher is a mother of two living in Roscoe Village. She also blogs at selfmademom.net.

See more of Sara's stories here.

 
 
 
A happy medium

By Sherri McGinnis on Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Great article. What no one really talks about is the possibility of a happy medium. We rocked my daughter to sleep for the 1st few weeks after she moved to her own room. Then we let her cry a bit, rocked, cry then sleep really pretty quickly. Now she's on a pretty good schedule (and yes I work full time) and just turns over at bedtime. Maybe we were just lucky, but there has only been a few times I would describe us putting her to sleep as "crying it out". I guess I just feel there is a happy medium between attachment parenting and letting a child cry themselves to sleep and for me at least that's where a healthy balance lies.

trust your instincts

By abigail canonico on Tuesday, August 30, 2011

this is a great article and personal stories are always what have helped me the most while adjusting to my babys schedule. usually i just trust that little voice in my heart that tells me what he needs. i knew before i had my son that i was going to figure out his sleep routine ASAP so that he could get into a schedule and learn it better and quicker. at about 8 weeks, i all of a sudden felt the urge to put him to bed at 7pm rather than 10 or 11pm. he had been fussy in the evenings and i did a bit of research first, then put him to bed at 7 one night and that time has been his bed time since. he cries at first when i put him to bed sometimes and i let him cry for about 15 minutes. if i hear his cry dwindling down, i let him cry longer, but if he is screaming i will go back in and comfort him, which usually consists of simply putting his binky back in his mouth. some nights he just closes his eyes peacefully, but some nights it is not as easy. even when i have to go back in a couple of times, he is still asleep by 7:30 or 8pm and sleeps until 6am with only 1 feeding around 2 or 3 am. if he is dry and fed, i do not feel too bad letting him cry. i know that he is just tired and complaining, so i feel like i need to let him figure out that he needs to fix that feeling by closing his eyes and sleeping. i feel like the CIO method works best, but some babies seem to just get too upset and worked up, and no mom wants to put their baby through that. for a mom who loves her baby, even sleepless nights are not worth letting your baby scream for minutes on end. you cant knock anyones methods until you are in their shoes! good luck moms :)

Great article!

By Nicole Donohue on Tuesday, August 30, 2011

thank you for this balanced article. I personally always admired when parents talked about how quickly their babies slept through the night. It seemed like such an important goal and something I definitely wanted to do. I never thought I'd routinely share my bed with my baby... Just before I got pregnant however, I started reading a lot of articles and reasearch on the importance of touch and how babies interact with their environment. Once I held my baby in my arms, I was sure, I could not let him cry alone in his crib! It just seemed that we got into this mommy-baby communication and I tried to respond to his needs. As long as I figure out what he needs or nowadays wants, he doesn't cry much. To me, it is the babies' form to communicate and I try to listen and respond so he feels like he has a voice which is listened to and respected. My son is a very happy child (now 13 months) and that is what quiets most people who I know raise an eyebrow about us still co-sleeping and nursing at night. I understand when it gets to be too much for everyone's lifestyle, something has to change but for us it works great and I would wish for every parent to have this wonderful relationship and the great cuddle-time not only at night but also during the day... The relationship remains and it certainly shows when there is full trust and understanding in the relationship and the child feels listened to. Thanks again! Nicole

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