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For the last 4 months or so, my three year old son picked up the word "stupid" from the Disney movie Ratatouille.  I really like that movie and he enjoys it so much.  But the character Linguini calls himself 'stupid' when he makes a mistake during one scene.  At first I didn't notice but I began watching carefully everything my son likes and caught it.  I also noticed one of the chipmunks says "stupid" in the recently released Alvin and the Chipmunks movie, another favorite of my toddler.

 We really don't want our son saying this word which he repeats daily.  Here are the steps we have taken to try to have him remove this word from his language:

1)  We reduced watching the 2 movies and have skipped the scenes all together.

2)  We have never used the word ourselves.  We are making sure we never say it.

3)  We have tried explaining that the word is 'not nice' or 'mean.'

4)  We have tried rebuking/reprimanding.  "Don't say that word!!!!......"

5)  We are currently ignoring him every time he says it.

He is still saying it here and there.  Any suggestions?

 

It will getter better over time.  Promise.  We went through the same thing, another Disney favorite of our is Game Plan.  There is a part in the movie where the little girl, Payton, tells one of the football players "Stupid is a mean word."  That seemed to help our 3 year old son understand that you shouldn't use that word.

All you have to do is wait for the kid to get over it and pick up a new word of the moment, which will happen in the blink of an eye.  I also distract my kids a lot as a means of getting them to change behavior.  He says stupid, you direct him outside outside to bubbles.  He says stupid again, you really have to show you are not bothered, and take him to Target to pick out a new Thomas train.  Don't worry; this too shall pass!

Dear Sox Daddy,

    It's amazing what our children can pick up from models we think are wonderful such as Disney.  Unfortunately this isn't always so.  Allson Beytein, who has three sons with autism, tells a story of working hard to arrange a play date for one of her sons.  As it turnsout her son really wasn't very interested, basically ingnoring his new potential buddy.  When the child's parent came to take the playmate home Allison encouraged her son to say goodbye.  He responded with, "Goodbye and if you ever come back again we'll kill you!"  Of course Allison was redfaced but later realized that this was the parting salutation that the hyenas gave Simba in the Lion King. 

    I like some of your suggestions. Currently I have a six year old grandaughter that uses the expression "What the..." quite often.  I'm not particularly fond of this either.  So I am going to go to my college students in SPED 317 at Trinity Christian College and see if they can come up with some sage advise for either our "wordy" dilemmas.

Dear Sox Daddy,

 I have no children of my own but I have much experience with people in general.  If I've learned anything in my life, it is that even children don't want to be taken for granted and are eager to know the "right" way.  They crave this because they don't like feeling "stupid."  I would try explaining the meaning of "stupid" and how it can be hurtful to others and to oneself if spoken to using that word.  Sometimes children just want to understand which is why their favorite question is "why?"  Good luck!

Regina Hrad-student

Well my suggestion for this type of behavior would be to explain to him that that word is not nice and that he is not allowed to use it ever.  Explain to him that if he uses this word he will recieve some type of punishment.  If this does not work you should start taking away things he likes when he uses this word, but it must be consistet and immediatly after he uses this word.  He must see a correlation between being punished and this word so he will diminish the use of the word onhis own.

Megan Casasanto

It sounds to me like you have already tried a lot of strategies to try to get your toddler to stop saying "stupid." Maybe he is doing it to get attention. If he knows that he will get a rise out of you every time he says it, he'll keep doing it. You did mention that you tried to ignore his behavior, and that didn't work either. Since this has been an issue for 4 months maybe you should punish him when he uses that word. Nothing horrible, but maybe try taking away something he enjoys. Tell him that he needs to stop saying that word, and that if he chooses to use bad language that he will choose to lose a favorite toy, game, snack, etc. Make it sound like it's his choice. Tell him he's a "big boy" now and needs to act like one. "Big boys" make good choices. I hope this suggestion can be of some help. I know it can be tough working with young children because they don't always understand what's right or wrong, but it sounds like you're a great parent, and you're doing your best. Remember, this will pass, so don't worry too much about it.

Thanks for your time,

Kelly McKinney

Dear Sox Daddy,

It sounds like you have a little problem on your hands here. It sounds like you have also tried some strategies that I would have told you to give a shot. Maybe you could try modeling the behavior with your wife. For example when your son is in the room, maybe you and your wife can put on a little skit so he can see how people react when they are perceived as stupid. I would say to have either you and your wife set up a situation where you say that the other person is acting "stupid" and then have the person who was called that leave the room VISIBLY upset. After your son sees this, pick him up and put him on your lap, and talk to him about the dangers of using that word. Tell him that peoples feelings get hurt, and he would never want to make somebody feel bad, especially mommy. If you model this behavior, or act this out, maybe the light will go on for him. Thanks, I hope I could be of some help.

Chris Passafiume

I think you’ve got a lot of great suggestions here for you. I think the idea of finding a way to show your son why saying “stupid” is hurtful will be helpful in getting him to stop saying it. I suggest not reacting too dramatically when he does say it. Raising your voice or acting very upset might be the reaction he’s looking for. However, I also don’t think you should ignore him when he does say it, I think you need to find an appropriate consequence and then be very consistent in giving it (Megan Casasanto had some good ideas for this). I hope this was of help. I’m sure you’ll find a way to get him through this phase, good luck!

Positive reinforcement is another way you could try to get your child to stop using that word. If your child uses a different word every once in a while give them something they will enjoy such as a sucker or time at the t.v. or start a little piggy bank, then every time they use that word let them know that you do not approve (in an encouraging way) and that they won't be able to have more time at the t.v. or another sucker until they stop using that word. Good luck!

It sounds like you have tried many good strategies. In addition to use positive reinforcement, I would try using nonsense words. For example, I say silly words like "fudge bucket". It means nothing and it is just fun to say. Maybe you could create some of your own words to replace that word.

After reading many of the comments and suggestions on this frustrating situation, I''ve concluded that Sox Daddy, it is time to intervene with positive reinforcement and interaction. Since all else has failed, I suggest that you develop some sort of incentive or encouragement not to use the word. Explain to your son that saying that word is a big problem and something has to be done in order for him to not say it. Give him a star for each day that he does not use the word. At the end of the week if he has earned all seven stars reward him with something great like a new toy or a trip to a fun place, restaurant or the movies.This system can work both ways in enforcing rewards and punishments; However you must be consistent and discipline. If he loses the star for the day then you must refrain from rewarding him in any way. Also there can be no star make-ups. Do this until you see that not saying the word is natural.

Crystal Fernandez 

Sox Daddy,

Since you have already tried some very common intervention strategies with your child to no avail, I think the best plan would be to use positive reinforcement. I like Crystal's idea of having a star chart and giving him a star for each day that your child does not use the word stupid. You may have to begin by giving small rewards each day for positive behavior and then slowly stretching it out to a week before a reward is given, followed by a longer amount of time until the word is no longer used. My parents used a sticker chart with me when I was quite young and I remember enjoying it and it was successful from my parent's point of view as well. I hope the suggestions help and good luck!

Katie Vander Ark

These is a lot of advice here. I hope you can find something that will work. It sounds like you have taken the correct steps.

From my experience working with children the adults working with the child must find one attempt and stick to it. You must be concistent with everyone that is working with the child. Personally, the intervention I would take is reenforcing the fact that it is a not nice work and we should not say it. Leading by example is great.

Good Luck to you.

Dear Sox Daddy,

 I am a parent to a 4 year old and a six year old. My favorite methods for behavior like this are by Dr. Sears from the Ask Dr Sears web site or his Baby Book. I folow his methods of attachment parenting. Here is a quote of his web site advice for this problem.

 "CLEANING UP DIRTY WORDS

Remember your reaction the first time your four-year-old used a four-letter word? Did your mouth drop open, but with no sound coming out? Did you drop your fork at the dinner table? Did your ears turn red? To growing children, toilet talk is as curious as the functions it stands for. To children words are not "dirty" until you tell them so. Be prepared for colorful words to come out of children's mouths around age four.

Children pick up words from all over and try them out. Whether or not they continue to use them depends on how frequently they hear them and the effect these words have on their audience. Kids won't even know what some of the words they hear mean (i.e., the "f-word"). That's why it's wise not to overreact. This stage will pass. Here's how to deal with toilet talk.

• Consider the source. A five-year-old was playing innocently near a group of older female relatives. Suddenly out came a word that silenced the crowd. As the embarrassed mother rushed to hush the little mouth, the great- aunt explained, "He talks just like his dad." Lessen your child's exposure to profanity. Clean up your own language, supervise what comes out of the mouths of your child's friends, and choose television programs carefully.
• Explain to your child, "Some words are not nice to hear. There are so many nice words, let's hear them instead." Explain that some words are not nice to use in certain places. "If you have to go poop at church, come and whisper in Mommy's ear. Or ask to 'go to the bathroom, please'."
• Provide alternatives. If your child by reflex uses obscenities when angry, practice alternative reactions: "I hit my finger -- ouch!" Words release tension, so model alternatives. Try the classics: "darn," "ow," "heck," "shoot," "phooey..." Or use some more original epithets: "fiddlesticks," "Christopher Columbus."
• Ignore. Children learn what words have shock value, and the more the audience reacts the more an encore is likely. After you're sure your child understands the houserules and that certain words are not allowed in public, ignore an occasional lapse. Intensify your praise for nicer alternatives.
• For older children, set the standard of language that you will allow in your home, and stick to it. If your seven-year-old comes in using the "F- word" you should sit down with him and explain exactly why it's offensive. "

The link is http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/t063900.asp

Jennifer