I had one of those "Light Bulb" moments today, call it an
epiphany,if you will, in the spirit of the season. Today I had a
realization of why, despite all of the obstacles, we keep pushing
forward for our SmallBoy - why any parent fights for their child.
After
weighing the pros and cons of letting SmallBoy join the 5th grade
basketball team, we decided that we'd go for it. The coaches have
coached Girl in the past, and their 5th grade boys are SmallBoy's
classmates, so they are extremely familiar with his Asperger's. My
husband and I figured that, at the least, SmallBoy would get some
social skills practice in a different setting, some hands-on OT, and
perhaps, build some self-confidence while learning not to fear getting
hit with the ball (like his mom!), and, at most, he might find
something at which he can excel, other than video games and technology, something that might make him feel more like he can "fit in" better.
We
began by attending each practice and staying there just in case the
coaches might need our assistance. The first few times, yeah, our help
was needed. After that, the coach asked us, point blank, how best to
approach SmallBoy: treat him like everyone else on that court, or
treat him special. Well - that was a no-brainer for us. We told him to treat
him like any other boy out there - praise him when he deserves praise,
critique him when he needs to practice or spend a little more time
learning something, and make him run when the rest of the team has to
run. Coach said ok, we began to spend a bit more time hanging back,
delaying our arrival at practice.
We
held our breath during the first few games, wondering what an "unjust"
call, a steal, an injury (large or small), or a loss might bring on.
As a whole, the team has only won one or two games, and that's been
just fine..they're fifth graders. We prepped him on how the ref is
"the law," and, even if you don't agree and all the parents and coaches
are arguing and saying how unfair it is, that the ref has the final
word. Period. We talked about how getting hurt in a game is just part
of the game and reminded him of how much skin from knees and elbows
that Girl had left on the many basketball courts in our leagues. We
took the religious "WWJD" and it became WW"G"D (What Would [Girl]
Do?). They lost, he got the ball stolen, missed some baskets, missed
some passes, made some bad passes (all of this just like the rest of
the team), but it was when he fell for the first time - and he fell
hard - that my heart stopped.
No, I wasn't worried about serious injury, I was worried about the reaction that might follow. We'd not entered this realm of getting hurt at a game. He winced, sucked it up, and got right back up. EXHALE.
This weekend, the boys had a close game and a "pummeling." Both games were well played with exuberant boys, and SmallBoy cheering all the way whenever he was on the bench or even after great plays by his team mates when he was on the court. He got a rebound, an assist and a jump ball, even though possession was going the other way. He practically floated back down the court cheering, with his hands victorious over his head. Yeah, he knew we were still losing, but he was excited.
He is in his element when he's on the court. He feels like one of the guys. Sure he isn't as good at basketball as some of the boys, but he's better than some, too. He's out there with is buds.
I was so excited, when, this morning, I received an email from one of SmallBoy's coaches with a link to this video about Jason MacElwain from Rochester, NY. I'm sure you heard his story on the news back in February. He was diagnosed with high functioning autism at age 2, and was the team manager for his high school's varsity team as he didn't have the height to make the team. The last 4 minutes of the team's final home game as seniors, the coach put him in. Jason (or J-Mac), hit 20 points, 6 of 10 were three pointers. It's a truly inspirational story.
Yes, I've seen the story a thousand times, but this time, when I sat there in my office being handed tissue after tissue after tissue, I was moved moreso than usual because this came from someone who understood, someone who adores my child and has reaped the benefits of our attempts to educate everyone.
I know, now, that we're reaching people, even if it is just someone in our community: That's still one person who will, more than likely, share the story with someone else - about J-Mac and about SmallBoy - and about autism, about comraderie, about people who don't fear others who are different, nor their reactions to anything. It's about life. People are getting the message and slowly they will all get it.
Thank you Coach!
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