A Chicago dad listens in on the ladies in his home

“Who was that gentleman I saw you with last night?” “That was no gentleman, that was your Daddy!”
 
 

By White Dad Problems

 

This week's blog post is by WDP co-host Matt Rocco, who lives in the Edgewater Glen neighborhood  of Chicago with Professor Foster (his “Brown Mom” wife), and their 2-year-old daughter Viva, who are getting their act together and taking it on the road.

One of the greatest aspects of having a very verbal 2-year-old is listening to her observations about the world, listening to her wrestle with syntax, and listening to her sparring with her mother. We’ve almost completed potty training in my house, which means there’s been a lot more… sitting around… lately, and more times for me to catch my very favorite vaudeville team in action, the two woman act of “Professor Foster and Baby Viva,” aka my wife Melissa and my daughter Vivian.

I’ve transcribed some of their routines for your reading pleasure. Enjoy!

Overheard While Potty Training

BABY VIVA: I’m a big girl! I used the potty!

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Wait, you have to wash your hands!

BABY VIVA: But why?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Because big girls always wash their hands.

BABY VIVA: I’m a little girl.

“I Don’t Know’s on Third

BABY VIVA: What is that song called?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: “Because” by the Beatles.

BABY VIVA: Why is it called “Because”?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: That’s just the name of the song: “Because.”

BABY VIVA: Because why?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Because they say the word “Because.” It’s just the name.

BABY VIVA: They call it “Because Why”?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Just “Because.”

BABY VIVA: Just because why?

More Overheard While Potty Training

BABY VIVA: Mommy, I made poops. Aren’t they cute?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Yes?

BABY VIVA: Look at them!

PROFESSOR FOSTER: I see them.

BABY VIVA: They are so cute.

Last Night I Shot An Elephant In My Pajamas

BABY VIVA: Mommy, an animal ate my sunflowers on the porch!

PROFESSOR FOSTER: What kind of animal, do you think?
BABY VIVA: Mmmm, maybe a lion?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: You think a lion was on our deck? Not a squirrel or raccoon?

BABY VIVA: Probably a lion.

Still More Overheard While Potty Training

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Aren’t you going to flush?

BABY VIVA: When you flush, do the poopies go back to their houses?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Sure?

BABY VIVA: Then OK.

Prop Comedy

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Who plugged this hard drive into this tub of butter?

BABY VIVA (beaming): It was me!

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Vivian, why did you put my breakfast in my water glass?

BABY VIVA: So you could eat it easier and better.

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Well, you can’t argue with science.

Don’t Drink the Water

PROFESSOR FOSTER: You aren’t drinking the bathwater, are you?

BABY VIVA: No, Mommy. I’m just pretending.

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Then why are you coughing?

BABY VIVA: I’m just pretending but also I’m realing.

Not so Kool and the Gang

BABY VIVA: Mommy, can I listen to Jungle Booty?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Umm, you mean “Jungle BOOGIE.”

TOP ‘O THE MARRRRNIN’

BABY VIVA: Mommy, let’s play pirates!

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Where’s me gold!

BABY VIVA: What?

PROFESSOR FOSTER: Oh, wait, that’s leprechauns…

To paraphrase the 4 Cohans: “My wife thanks you, my daughter thanks you, and I thank you.”

See you right here next week.

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You can also listen at whitedadproblems.com. (Do note that the show has a potty mouth and is definitely for Over 17 Only.) And follow the Dads on Facebook and on Twitter: whitedadprobs.

 
 







 
 
 
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