Valentine's Day can be a challenge for men-one misstep can
mean romantic disaster. As for husbands and dads (for whom windows
of amorous opportunity are fewer and further between) - Valentine's
Day is an interpersonal minefield. This week the Dads are here to
lead you through to safety.
WDP12: Valentine's Pitfalls by ChicagoParent
Don't mess up Valentine's Day again this year! Let the Certified
Love Professors* of White Dad Problems help you steer clear of Feb.
Think the holiday means obligatory sex for you? You're
right! - but don't let your special lady know you think that way.
The window of opportunity is only open briefly - don't slam it
shut by getting your wife too drunk, too gassy, or by talking to
her. She doesn't need to hear your stupid opinions, she just
needs chocolates and a small amount of booze.
Did you buy a Cupid costume to surprise your sweetie? Yuck.
Return it. (But keep the adult diaper. If you don't need it now
you'll need it soon enough.)
Do not buy a house in February like D.M. did. You'll have a
mortgage and still have to buy dinner. It can wait.
Forget the day was coming? Running to Walgreens to buy a singing
lobster crooning Buster Poindexter's hit? Do not do it.
Buying dinner for her? Maybe don't - you're going to get the
same crummy dinner that restaurant always serves, but at a huge
markup! Make dinner, Mister Lazy.
And finally, if you've been dating that chick for under six
months, no Groupon dates. Especially if it's for something she'll
hate - like paintball or body waxing.
You, sir, are welcome.
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*The Cast of White Dad Problems are not Certified Love
Professors. That is not a thing.
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