It's time to go. I walk out the door and head
toward my car. But right before I get there I slip on the ice
and fall down. Hard.
I swear a few times and then head in the house. I lay flat
on my back and breathe.
I know why I fell. There is a part of myself that is
protesting my decision.
I am heading to Detroit to surprise my friend Lara for her
40th birthday. I am only staying for the night,
but it's still 10 hours of driving and a night away from home.
I have Christmas cards to write, presents to wrap, work to do,
and of course, three children and a husband that will have to do
But I want to go. This is a decision I made two weeks ago
with no hesitation. It came to me in the shower (this is when
most of my ideas come, so I tend to take long showers), and I
emailed Lara's husband immediately to make the plan.
It was my heart speaking, but my heart is not the only part of
me that has a voice. I have another voice that is practical,
planned, and controlled.
This is the part of me that wrote college papers a week before
they were due, and the part that enjoys checking tasks off my to-do
list. It's the part that meets work deadlines and makes sure
that my girls get to school on time.
It's an important part of who I am - it's dependable and
responsible and I honor what it provides.
But it can't always be in charge. Constantly living from
this place is too stifling, too demanding, and basically not fun,
especially because it's afraid to fail. It serves me, but
when it has too much power I get stuck.
My heart decisions are free and exciting, fun and
inspiring. Like when I decided to change my major to
education my junior year in college, and when I moved to Chicago 17
years ago with no job and no plan.
Or the time that Lara and I decided to fly to Mardi Gras for
just 24 hours, or when I decided to become a yoga teacher.
These were heart decisions - they felt right, but they didn't make
So one voice reminds me to keep my feet on the ground and the
other voice reminds me to let my spirit to soar. Much of the
time they are wonderful partners, but like most partners, they tend
to have power struggles.
I take one more deep breath, stand up, and then look in the
mirror. I say out loud to my practical self - It's a good
choice to go to Detroit today, so let's go.
So I get in my car, turn on my new CD and drive off.
And I don't even need my GPS - I already know I'm headed in the
Cathy Adams is a certified parenting coach, yoga instructor and mother to three girls.
See more of Cathy's stories here.
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