Is unconditional love bad parenting?
Monday, November 16, 2009
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Psychology Today isn't often on my reading list, but in my daily search for the bizarre and trivial parenting news across the Web, I found this blog post, titled "Parenting: Unconditional Love is Bad!"
I was intrigued.
The blogger, a psychologist named Jim Taylor, went on to argue that in the big picture of parenting, unconditional love is neither the historical norm nor a good idea:
Rewarding children -- love is really the ultimate form of reward -- regardless of their behavior robs children of one of their most important lessons-that their actions have consequences. What more powerful inducement to good action is there for your child than the threat of losing your love? ... Most things in life have strings attached and love is no different.
Assuming Taylor is right, and that unconditional love is a relatively new phenomenon, then this goes hand-in-hand with the spanking debate, which I've written about previously. Both represent a more liberal trend within parenting philosophies over the past half-century. Love more, hit less. Reward good behavior rather than punish bad behavior. Kids should love their parents rather than fear them.
What do you think? Should parental loved have to be earned? Or is it a birthright?
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Love is the baselineBy Dan H. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 I think most parents and kids know when the child's actions or attitudes result in some sour consequences. That's well and good and appropriate. It's not the same as suggesting that when your kids screw up -- and they will -- that you don't love them. Liberal, conservative, modern or old-fashoned, sending your kids a message that they can do something that pushes them out of the orbit of your love, even for an hour, is a very bad message to send kids. |
What?By Nancy S. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 What a bizarre assumption that a parent can just turn on and off their love for a child. It's innate, isn't it? I don't think this psychologist has children. |
Earn Money, Not Love
By Walter B. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Mr. Taylor might want to do a little more soul searching and research when attempting to make a his point. The concept of unconditional love has been around since the dawn of time and is not to be confused with affection, approval or withholding either. Unconditional love does not exclude dispensing just reward or punishment. From the beginning, most fathers just love their children and many times give them gifts whether deserving or not.