I'm typing this post through tears today as my
heart has been broken all over again. My baby died in 2010, but the
harsh reality of grief is that he dies over and over again, in
small moments and reminders. Moments that put me right back in that
horrible dark room where the monitor showed that dreaded flat line
instead of beautiful green beeping mountains.
Today, I learned a friend suddenly lost her two
year old baby. I sobbed and hugged my own rainbow baby with aching
arms remembering every ounce of pain I personally felt as I walked
out of the hospital three years ago with empty arms and an empty
Once you have lost a child you re-live your pain
through the heart of every other mother and father who have gone
through or are going through the same situation. You all become a
part of a family of survivors navigating a foreign childless
The death of your own child makes no sense to you.
Yet sense, and explanation is what everyone around you wants. I
think it's human nature - my husband says it's a shift in today's
society - to want to know the why, the how and the what behind
As I watched my friend's story unfold online (she
is another blogger and social media personality), I had to shut off
my computer and walk away so I wouldn't shout at well-intentioned
people. It may be gut reaction or just a meaningless question that
falls out without realizing it, but how or why a child dies doesn't
matter to their parents. At least not immediately.
They are too preoccupied with reliving those last
moments over and over again in excruciating detail. In their minds,
they're walking through the hospital doors again, the entire while
wondering how they got there and if this is just a bad
All that matters at that time is that a child,
their child, has died and the best thing you can say is "I'm sorry"
and "What can I do for you?"
If you know someone who is grieving, lend an ear
and be there to listen, even if they have nothing to say right
away. Be a shoulder to cry on or the rock that holds them up when
they feel too weak to stand alone. Offer to help in any way you
It wasn't my baby that physically died today but
the wounds from the past were re-opened and my heart has re-broken.
Parent's arms were meant to hold their babies and they feel awfully
heavy and empty without them.
Please keep those childless mothers and fathers in
your thoughts today and remember that the years may pass but the
grief never dies. It fades to the back of our hearts and our minds,
lying dormant until another tragedy triggers it once
Melissa is mom to 4 kids and 2 angels. She chronicles the sticky bits of motherhood at Peanut Butter in my Hair.
See more of Melissa's stories here.
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