As a parent, sometimes the less you know is better. That toddler
being suspiciously quiet in the other room? Best finish your coffee
before investigating, you're going to need it.
On Monday I will walk into the Labor and Delivery unit for the
fifth time to have our fourth and final baby. As I make this final
journey there is so much I wish I was ignorant of. SO much I wish I
could erase from my mind so I could walk in fully present and
joyful in the moment.
I wish I didn't know that 12 weeks wasn't a "magic" number and
that babies sometimes still don't make it to the third trimester. I
wish I didn't have first hand, medical insider (former career)
information on all that could still go wrong during or after the
Knowledge is not always power, sometimes it fuels fear and
My knowledge and experience means I walk into that room more
nervous and scared than that first exciting time. It means I will
hug all my kids just a little bit tighter and hold on to them just
a little bit longer.
It has a bright side, that fear and anxiety. I will become
acutely aware of every single thing that happens on Monday. I will
count those little fingers and toes and kiss each one a million
times. I will take in every hair on that head and make sure it is
seared into my memory. I will stare into my husbands eyes and I
will feel the love grow as our family grows. I will take a deep
breath and appreciate what a blessing and a miracle our family is
because I am keenly aware of how different it could be.
Melissa is mom to 4 kids and 2 angels. She chronicles the sticky bits of motherhood at Peanut Butter in my Hair.
See more of Melissa's stories here.
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