There are few things more boring than standing
around, discussing the weather. After all, the cliché of "Can you
believe this weather we're having" is a water cooler cliché for a
reason. But in Chicago, discussing the weather is legit; it becomes
an incredulous bonding experience, an emotional girder against
disappointment, and a crowd-sourced form of physical
So to that end (and pardoning any dramatics): We're
all gonna die.
It's true. 2014 has been downright brutal to the
Midwest and some folks have come to permanently believe that they
live in the Arctic Circle, forever and ever. Amen. Even my smallest
kids have adopted that scrunched-up face to bolster themselves
against the cutting winds upon stepping outside.
But the past few days? It's going to get us all
killed, folks. Temperatures rising teasingly into the mid-forties
and melted snowbanks sluicing down the sidewalks have convinced
hearty Chicagoans that spring is here.
Listen to me, Chicago: Spring is not here. It is
Forty-five degrees is not T-shirt weather, nor
should we shove our fleece underlayers into storage just yet. We
need to visualize way back in the balmy autumn of '13 - remember
that? Back when a dip into 40s territory would have us blasting the
heat and hibernating into Snuggies? Hold onto your Snuggie
memories, folks. Grip them tight.
Because sooner than you can say "Negative Twenty
Windchill," there we'll be: emotionally crushed. Bitterly
disappointed. Dying of pneumonia.
So let's take care of each other out there, yeah?
Remind our loved ones (four-year-olds) to keep socks and hats
firmly in place. Dissuade friends from running naked alongside Lake
And - oh my God - breathe in that gloriously warm air at
any cost for as long as humanly possible.
Keely Flynn is a Chicago playwright, freelance writer, and blogger living with three young children, an extraordinarily tolerant husband, and two cats who just try to make it through the day without being ridden like ponies. Check out her personal blog, lollygagblog.com.
See more of Keely's stories here.
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