It'd be too easy to blame it on pregnancy
But there I was, sitting in the gymnastics parking
lot with two uniformed and very disappointed little kids because I
had arrived at the right event, at the right time - on the wrong
Just last week I misplaced some extremely important
paperwork. This heart-stopping realization occurred right after I
had buckled the kids into the car and prepared to rush us all to an
appointment. I checked my bag. I checked the car. I even went back
inside and checked the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room, and
toddler's crib. Deciding that the only possible explanation was
gremlins, I returned to the car to openly weep at a cluttered (and
non-helpful) corner of the garage.
My kids, unfortunately, have witnessed more than
their fair share of car weeping episodes during this
I consider myself to be a decently organized
person. I mean, I've color-coded my books ('cause Real Simple said
to do so) and filed my glassware by height ('cause I like to do so)
and avoided collecting and spray-painting driftwood (even though
Martha Stewart said to do so) because no one needs that kind of
clutter. Bills get paid on time, laundry doesn't spill from the
front door onto the sidewalk, and I manage to juggle a nice
freelance career with the daily challenges/joys of raising vaguely
But now that I'm in my third trimester of my third
pregnancy, things have gotten bizarre. I've been mixing up dates
and times, forgetting checkbooks and spare PullUps, and seriously
doubting my ability to coherently bring another child into the
"Maybe it's time to invest in a good calendar," I
can hear you saying. That's just the thing; it's not like I'm not
penciling this stuff in. I do. Immediately. But lately I've been
going back and double-checking those names and dates and times,
only to find that the info I've been adding to the schedule in a
timely and efficient manner - has been wrong. You know wacky things
are afoot when you feel like you've been lying to your Google
I've never before even believed in pregnancy brain.
I chalked that phrase up to something that men invented as a kind
of inside joke catchphrase, like "morning sickness" or "equal
However, there have just been too many recent times
where I froze and looked around for the hidden camera because if
this isn't an episode of Punk'd, then I may be at a very real risk
for having suffered a mental break. Pairs of shoes should remain
together and inside of the house! When I pull the car into the
alley, I should remember immediately where we are heading! And if I
add "dinner with Alphonse, 5pm" into the calendar, I'm not
interested in hearing how we don't know anyone named "Alphonse" and
historically eat dinner at 6pm!
I don't think that this is so much to ask. Unless
you're my husband, I think we can all agree that I've been handling
things rather well during this pregnancy; exhaustion, physical
deterioration, and my predilection for public crying
notwithstanding. It'd be nice if I didn't have to worry about my
brain's functions being on the brink of collapse. It's no longer
Unless this is for a reality show and I'll be getting paid
handsomely. Then it's downright hilarious.
As long as the most flattering lenses are being
I wasn't kidding about the exhaustion.
Keely Flynn is a Chicago playwright, freelance writer, and blogger living with three young children, an extraordinarily tolerant husband, and two cats who just try to make it through the day without being ridden like ponies. Check out her personal blog, lollygagblog.com.
See more of Keely's stories here.
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