The "P" word
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
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Posted by Tamara O.
I'll be the first to admit the "birds and the bees" talk didn't happen with my parents. My mom handed me a collection of books, which I was too embarrassed to even peek in. So I went into adulthood painfully naïve.
I wanted to raise my kids differently. I wanted them to be comfortable with their bodies and with asking me anything that popped into their brilliant little minds. For the most part, I've been successful. But I have never been completely comfortable with the topic or even with using the proper terms for their body parts, something hugely successful sex expert, Dr. Laura Berman, would probably say is a no-no. Berman, who is out with a new book, Talking to your kids about SEX: Turning "the talk" into conversations for life, stresses using the correct terminology.
My 7-year-old, Zoe, picked Sunday as the time to put me on the spot. In addition to her current obsession on learning how every American president died, she's focused on the difference between girls and boys. How did I know I had a boy when her brother Marty was born? she asked. How did I know she and Arlee were girls? I decided to invoke Berman's strategy of using the correct terminology.
I told her a boy baby has a penis. Yes, you read that correctly. I used that word.
Almost instantly I regretted "going Berman." Zoe yelled across the room as her brother slaved over Spanish homework: "Hey Marty, you have a penis and I don't. Boys have a penis, girls don't. You were born with it."
Stunned, Marty needed another male in the female-filled room.
"Hey dad," he yelled. "Mom just taught Zoe a new word!"
I could have died right there when my husband came to hear it. I hope that parenting moment fades quickly.
Do you have any funny stories about your "birds and the bees" talk? Please share.
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bids and bees, lolBy Bronwyn on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 My son is 10 and we just did 'THE TALK' - the big version! I had been expecting it to come up for a while, so I had bought 'It's Perfectly Normal' by Robie H. Harris and illustrated by Michael Emberley. (for younger kids they have a very age-appropriate book called 'It's Not The Stork'). The book has very specific but cute drawings of naked people of both sexes and covers not only the basics, but puberty, safe sex- the whole 9 yards. When W started sniggering at a joke on TV about a teen age boy who 'thinks all the time about sex' - I asked him what was so funny and why he thought it was funny. Obviously he had been hearing something. So I gave him the book and told him that a lot of the information in it he probably wouldn't need for a few years yet, but that I thought it was better to have real, factual information than just rumors and jokes from the playground. I told him that if he had any questions, he could always ask me or his stepfather P about it (if it was a 'guy' question and he was embarrassed to ask me) and I went to take a shower. When I got out he was on page 39, with a dawning look of enlightenment and 'ewweh, gross!' on his face. Later he asked me why some people called it 'the birds and the bees' and when I explained the metaphor, he said " That's really a dumb way to say it, it's very confusing because it doesn't have anything to do with birds OR bees!" lol So we survived THE TALK- so far! |
My aren't we shyBy Dan Haley on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 Tamara, This sounds like more of your stoic East Coast upbringing at work here. You're doing good talking to Zoe about sex. We all need to work hard to kill the "birds and the bees" metaphors. Why have we traditionally worked so intently to bury this discussion with our kids? What other subject is there where we think misdirection and speaking in code to children is a good idea? Certainly as Maria notes, we want to have conversations that are age appropriate with our kids. But sharing real information and not a bunch of weird euphemisms ought to be our goal. Sex is wonderful and mysterious and fun. Part of our goal ought to be to communicate that energy to our kids. And I'm going to have to have a long think about why penis is OK but vagina isn't. |
The p-word but not the v-wordBy Maria Pilar Clark on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 I think it's a great thing that you want to be as open with your children as appropriately possible. We have taught our preschooler anatomically correct words for his body parts, including the aforementioned p-word, especially since he, like Zoe, is very interested in what sets boys and girls apart. However, I have to admit, that neither my husband or I are comfortable teaching him the v-word for girls. We have chosen to use the Spanish word (a Chilean colloquialism) instead. It seems much more gentle, but not sure it's the best choice. Time will tell I suppose. Good work! |
The Ugly TruthBy Walter B. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 My daughter just sent me a text. The New Year's Eve late night movie was "The Ugly Truth". Not recommended for immature audiences! |
great start!By Cathy on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 I think its great that you had this conversation! The key is talking about the birds and bees before the kids NEED to talk about it. If your kids know early on that you will openly discuss sexual issues with them (like giving them the proper names for body parts) they will be more likely to talk to you when they really need support. |
Sucker PunchBy Walter B. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 Much to the dismay and pain of this dad and aside from our seven year old son going though his, "I'm gonna punch you in the wiener" stage a couple of years ago, we just take the subject as it comes. Our high school-aged daughter picked a New Year's Eve "family" movie that made us all kind of blush regarding birds and bees. She laughed a lot and peeked over to see our reaction. The next day, we had quite a few great mini "B&B" conversations about various scenes in the movie. As much as parents want to teach kids everything the way we would like them to learn it, the world will teach them ready or not. Perhaps it is more important how we help our kids process what they learn about the "Birds & Bees" and hopefully create a relationship that encourages them to ask their parents tough questions. Even if it comes in the form of a verbal "sucker punch". |
You go T!
By Lourdes N. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I laugh because when Mari was 3 or 4 she saw a baby (didn't know if it was a boy or girl) and said, "Mom-does that baby have "peanuts" or "China"?! I died laughing......no one else got it.