Drinking in front of the kids
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
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Posted by Liz D.
I recently got together with some of my girlfriends for a night out-with kids. Because a couple of us were single parents, the hostess decided everyone would leave the guys at home. So we gathered at my neighbor's house for pizza-eight moms and 18 kids in all. Our kids are between the ages of 4 and 16 and have grown up together. They can hang out for hours, so they looked forward to the evening as much as the moms.
Besides pizza, and games for the kids, the night included glasses of wine and girly drinks like margaritas. (Before you jump all over me, realize that all of us live on the same block, so no one was in danger of getting into a car, drunk, with a bunch of kids in car seats.) The evening led me to wonder-is it OK to drink in front of your kids? And, I'm going to sound sexist here, but is it different when it's moms getting together? After all, guys, football and beer still seem to be able to co-exist.
Because I have a 16-year-old who will get his driver's license in two weeks, I worried that we were setting the wrong example-that we were showing him that getting together as adults meant drinking. On the other hand, no one got drunk and stupid, so did we show him that drinking can be done responsibly?
I don't have any answers-just more questions as my kids get old enough to pay more attention to what the grownups in the room are doing. And the older my kids get, the more I wonder about the impact of 'do as I say, not as I do.'
Which leads me back to my question, is drinking in front of the kids OK? Does it make a difference if it's a mom or a dad doing the drinking? Share your thoughts.
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" Do as I say, and Not as I do..."By Angela Iverson , CYEDC ParentXperience on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 As parents, it is important that we are aware that our children are watching us as we are, and should be their role models. By definition, a role model is "A person who serves as a model in a particular behavioral or social role for another person to emulate." As roles models for our children, we as parents should not do anything in front of them that we do not want them to copy. I know some parents who refrain from using profanity in front of their children because they do not want that type of behavior emulated. Drinking in front of kids can be a touchy subject because some parents feel that if they are adults, then they have the right to display whatever type of behavior (good or bad) without their children trying to mimic them. This reminds me of the "do as I say, and not as I do mentality. If I had a teen, how would I tell them not to engage in social drinking if they see me doing it on a consistent level? Yes, they are underage, and we can certainly argue that but we all know that some kids are drawn to things which are "forbidden". So what else do we tell them? That it’s not good for your health. Or maybe we should say that they can't handle social drinking without experiencing the affects of the alcohol, or should we say that they should not drink socially just to fit in. I would think that none of these are good arguments to a teen who sees his/her parents carry out this act regularly, or even better those teens who see their parents carry out his act and get intoxicated while doing so. In my opinion, it’s all in what you want your child to be exposed to and what type of behavior you want modeled in front of them. |
They notice everything...By Walter B. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 Yep, kids notice everything. |
I agreeBy Nancy S. on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 I think it's OK as long as you're on good behavior and not sloshed out of your skull. I also think the frequency in which you drink in front of your kids is important. If you have a drink every day, kids think that is what they're supposed to do as adults. I also have a teenager getting ready to go to college in a year. Recently she's visited college campuses and seen drunk kids. Fortunately, she has been mortified by how they look and act. I can only hope that all of these experiences makes her cautious and thoughtful when she does drink one day. |
DrinkingBy Tamara O'Shaughnessy on Tuesday, November 13, 2012 I have often wondered this myself. My kids seem to have quite a reaction when my husband has a beer at a ballgame or during family gatherings (there's always drinking around the Irish). They were much younger the last time I drank in front of them, but they didn't react at all. But they usually expect Dad to have a beer but don't expect me to drink so there is probably a bit of a double standard. (Of course, they think beer is only for Dad and beer bread anyway.) I think these types of situations are a chance to show kids that alcohol can be consumed responsibly. It is probably a fact of life that they'll encounter alcohol when they get to college. Seeing grownups model good behavior will make a lasting impression, at least I hope so because I have one right on the cusp of teendom troubles. |
kids are 'forbidden' to do lots of grown-up things
By Bronwyn on Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I would never advocate drunken behavior in front of your kids or otherwise. But I think that adults enjoy many behaviors and privileges that may not always be healthy for us and don't allow children to do the same. They aren't allowed to drive cars, stay up late at night, watch adult movies, etc. Having a beer when you watch a game or sharing cocktails with your girlfriends responsibly doesn't make you a bad parent. I don't believe that using the 'do as I say, not as I do' rule does either. We use it all the time as adults- cherry picking alcohol consumption as the exception to that is silly. It's totally unrealistic to assume your child will NEVER have a drink. In high school or college they are bound to try having a beer or find themselves in a bar. So instead of leaving them with NO examples but what they will see on TV, show them a good responsible example instead. Show them through your actions that you can enjoy a glass of wine with a meal or a martini when you go out- but that you never drive drunk, you don't drink more than you should and you enjoy alcohol- as you should everything else- in moderation. Showing a good, realistic example is the best way to teach a child.