Posted by Kim K.
There are times when my husband says to me "just be." I think
what he's trying to say is to be in the moment...and to just...I
guess...be. But, truthfully, I am the kind of person who likes to
look back and forward. Music, movies, smells all bring me back to
points of time. Camp in England. Junior high school. My first date.
My first concert (Howard Jones). Satellite radio can bring me right
back to the '80s and the '90s and I can "feel" like I am in fifth
grade listening to Madonna's "Borderline" while braving my
50-minute commute of the real-time now. Movies can also make me
feel a certain "time." Sometimes I will catch "Pretty in Pink" on
TV or even "The Breakfast Club." You know, the movies that you know
the lines to? They bring me back, way, way back. But, now even
things that seemed "new" are now starting to feel old. Like
"Achtung Baby" by U2. Those songs bring me back to freshman year in
college, dating my then-boyfriend, now husband. Every time I
hear "Under The Bridge" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers I can't help
but "feel" those spring days of college. And, of course there are
smells and tastes. Or, I will go to Chin Chin when I am in LA and
have a Chinese chicken salad that reminds me of having dinner
with high school friends. Reminders are constant in my world.
On the flip side, I also suffer from "Crystal Ball" syndrome.
That's a phrase that my husband also has coined. "Crystal Ball" is
when I try to predict the future and try to make things happen
because I think they are going to happen because I have a crystal
ball-while completely and utterly stressing myself out. An example
of this is PreK (or JK) for my daughter for next year. While I
thought it would be easier living in the suburbs (and usually for
us it is), our Preschool for PreK fall 2010 has a lottery for
afternoons vs. mornings. If she gets mornings, everything will work
out with our routine, sitter, my work schedule etc. BUT, if she
gets afternoons I am going to have to turn my entire work schedule
upside down-AND take a child who thrives in the morning and put her
into an afternoon program. Instead of just waiting to see what
happens, I have been pining over it for weeks-trying to solve my
potential scheduling issues EVEN BEFORE I HAVE AN ISSUE. Worrying
about this when it hasn't even happened yet. Hence, the crystal
But, the real issue here isn't the looking back or the looking
forward. It's that I really do want to "be." I really do want to be
in the now. And, I want to, in my own ways, to freeze time. I am
trying to enjoy my kids at 3 1/2 and 6. Time is moving so
fast. Between their social calendars (and yes, now my little one
has a life of parties and activities) and work and other
obligations, there is so little time to just "be." So, without it
being a New Year's resolution, I am really going to try to look
back and laugh when hearing that song, catching that smell and
seeing that movie clip, try not to stress out about things in the
future and BE in the moment.
If I can do that, I maybe have a fighting chance.
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