New parents make mistakes. That's just the way it
is. We're tired rookies still trying to figure out what we're
doing. My biggest mistake: spending way too much time and stress on
trying to save poop-stained onesies.
Some babies have crazy blowouts. You know the kind
that go up to their necks and down in between the toes of their
footed jammies? My first and third children were these types of
babies. I always kept a onesie on them to protect their clothing;
sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
With both of them I dealt with multiple blowouts,
endless outfit changes and laundry soaking next to the washing
machine, every day.
I developed a level of comfort with poop that I
truly never thought to be possible. I've had it under my nails, in
my hair and on my shirt. I have distinct memories of spending a lot
of time at the changing table stressing over how the heck I would
manage to change yet another messy diaper.
I would stand over my son in my sleep-deprived
haze, overwhelmed by new motherhood. After giving myself the pep
talk: "Just take it one step at a time," I'd start cleaning him
off, then flip him over, before slowly rolling the onesie up his
back. He'd squirm, scream, cry and wiggle as I'd struggle to pull
it over his head - no doubt getting poop on the back of his neck
and under his arms. Then I'd soak the onesie for a week and wash
and rewash it to get out a stain that would never go away.
All of that work for a onesie that costs so little and would
end up sitting at the bottom of his drawer, never to be worn
When he was around two years old and those blowout
days were behind us, a friend mentioned that her son had the kind
of diaper messes that "just makes you pull out the scissors." Huh?
Scissors? I asked what she meant. "You know, the scissors . . . So
you can just cut off the onesie instead of trying to get it over
Wait. A. Second. How, in my haze of having a first
baby, didn't I think of this? How did my mommy brain lead me to put
all of that stress, time and effort into saving a little piece of
I realize I'm a lucky person. I can afford to
dispose of a few onesies. I realize that encouraging people to
throw away onesies is wasteful to a certain degree, but my time and
stress level are precious (as are yours) and they've been wasted on
a few too many stained onesies. When Poop Machines #2 and #3 came
around I had already strategically placed the emergency scissors
near the changing table . . . High enough to be out of reach, of
course. We don't need to make another mistake.
So, new moms or even not-so-new moms, I give you
permission to pull out a pair of scissors when the blowout is too
intense and carefully cut off that onesie. And, I promise you, the
first time will be liberating.
Take a deep breath, pull it away from their body
and slowly cut and then throw it in the garbage.
You'll probably feel a pang of guilt, but get past
it. Trust me, you'll feel relief soon.
Lisa Hanneman is a mother of three, which makes her an expert on everything and nothing. She writes about her family’s daily nonsense and overbooked life at Hannemaniacs.
See more of Lisa's stories here.
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