No Choice

By Angela Iverson, CYEDC- ParentXperience on Tuesday, November 13, 2012

To some, over-parenting is seen as unnecessary and could possibly “damage our children”, but in my eyes I think it has become almost a necessity to over-parent in today’s society, and our culture has almost thwarted us parents into the role of “helicopter parents.” Mentioned in the article was a “Yale educated” mom, Lenore Skenazy, who wrote the book “Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry.” She states that “There is no rational reason, that a generation of parents who grew up walking alone to school, riding mass transit, trick-or-treating, teeter-tottering and selling Girl Scout cookies door to door should be forbidding their kids to do the same.” I would say that there IS a rational reason, especially in today’s society that we should NOT let our kids have this “free-range” that she writes about. Today, children are getting kidnapped, and even murdered as with the recent case of the 12 year old girl who was found strangled to death in a Chicago alley after riding the CTA bus alone. How can we as parents ease up, not worry, or just simply leave our children be when today’s times are like this? In the less detrimental cases, over-parenting is still necessary in my opinion because if you stop, everyone else will still continue on in their frenzy of raising their “society friendly and competent child”. Other parents will still hire tutors in kindergarten, stress the importance of extracurricular activities to develop that well-rounded child, and they will still buy those educational toys, yes, even the ones that “do the playing for them.” According to Gibb’s article, “Bookstores offer Brain Foods for Kids: Over 100 Recipes to Boost Your Child's Intelligence….. researchers claimed to have discovered that listening to Mozart could temporarily help raise IQ scores by as many as 9 points”, and parents are eating up every bit of this. Today, parents WANT their child to be smarter because in the long run it may mean an acceptance to that Ivy League College or a scholarship to a University that costs too much for those parents who have to pay out of pocket. Gibbs’ article also goes on to state that “Among 6-to-8-year-olds, free playtime dropped 25% from 1981 to '97, and homework more than doubled.” So as a parent, do I let my children (who asks all of the time) go outside and play, or do I make them do their tons of homework that the teacher assigns? Any parent would favor the latter in this case. Some would then go on to argue that I could let them play after homework. In my case, and as well as in many other working mother’s case, there is very little time after homework, because then there is dinner and a reasonable bedtime to follow. So if schools are raising their expectations of my child, surely as a responsible parent I am going to do everything in my will to ensure that my child reaches the bar; and if there happens to be extra time after all is done, then yes I will allow my children playtime. In my opinion, child proofing is important but only to a certain extent. Of course I am not insane and believe that we need EVERY little safety gadget that the local Super Store offers for childproofing, but I do believe that some of these safety concerns are not just thought up ides to generate income, but are indeed necessary to ensure our child’s safety. Take the child safety gate for example, I think that this is something that is necessary if you have a multi level home. You are allowing your child free reign over one level of the home, while ensuring that when you turn your head for a minute that he/she won’t go tumbling down the stairs. On the other hand, I don’t think that it is necessary for the use of stove tippers, knob covers, or even cabinet locks because I taught my children during that curiosity stage to never go near the stove (hot or cold) and not to open cabinets. I don’t believe in “free range” or “slow parenting”, but I do agree that a certain amount of failure may be fruitful for our children to grow. We as parents can take a step back as our children grow, but not so far back that we can no longer see them. It is very difficult to let go in the society that we live in. Our world today is not like what is was 40 years ago when our children could walk to school alone and return home safely, put homework to the side and have free time, or even be left alone because now we know that those blind cords can choke them, or that household item the cabinet can kill them if ingested. How do we not hover as helicopters over our children when we are constantly reminded of the dangers that lie ahead? Amber alerts flashing as we are driving, or watching the nightly news we hear about the a child being molested, or even reading the warning labels on products that read “this product is harmful to children” , and “do not leave unattended”. We hover as helicopters because of fear. Fear that our child won’t succeed, or fear that our child may just be that 1 in the statistic of “1 in 1.5 million that is kidnapped and killed by a stranger” as mentioned in Gibb’s article. As a parent, I don’t know how else to parent.....so I will continue to do what is comfortable with the hopes that I am keeping my child safe, happy, healthy, and that they will grow up to become a productive citizens in our society.