I am a bit of a news junkie. I watch the local channels as well
as the cable offerings. I read the online versions of The Chicago
Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, The Huffington Post, and The Wall
Street Journal. I want to know what the right, left, and center
have to say about all the important issues impacting the world and
But every once in a while, I get plumb tuckered. With a non-stop
loop of election year punditry, missing plane speculation, and a
defiant Russia ready to take on the entire world, I decided to
simply turn off the tube.
And in doing so, I noticed a monster centipede crawling across
my living room floor.
Centipedes scare me more than Russia, missing planes, and
So in lieu of the time normally spent reviewing the stock market
and 10-day weather forecast, I began researching centipedes.
I soon learned that despite their terrifying thousand-legged
look and unholy speed as they run from your husband's size 14
boots, these little buggers are actually good for your home.
The hell you say.
Centipedes EAT all the bad bugs - the ones with potential to do
real damage to your house and person: bed bugs, cockroaches,
spiders, flies, fleas and termites. And because of their ridiculous
speed, they are practically Orkin on Red Bull.
So once our fuzzy little creepy-assed friends perform their
civic duty and successfully rid our homes of the true enemies, what
do you suppose they do next? Breed and take over? Turn our homes
into a centipede safe haven? DVR their favorite shows?
Nope. Those selfish little bastards leave. With no food
remaining, they go eat your neighbors' bugs.
The reward for all their hard work and pest eradication? We
scream like lunatics and freeze them with AquaNet hairspray until
we locate something to heave across the room.
All of this because they look like the devil.
My little internet investigation did more to change my
perception of a sworn enemy than any Twitter campaign or celebrity
spokesperson could have ever done.
So in honor of the heroic nature of this underappreciated
critter, I debated starting my own centipede campaign. I was torn
between #HugABug and #CentipedesForever, but I felt neither truly
captured my message.
Instead? I have taken the vow to not kill a single centipede
this spring. I'm simply going pretend they are all "Charlie" -- my
really tiny and incredibly fast Shih Tzu.
It is sad to go through life feeling misunderstood like the poor
centipede. I can relate.
Now excuse me while I go put out some warm milk and cookies for
Marianne is mother of three sons and the wife of a southside Irish fireman. She has learned that sometimes you're just too dumb to know what makes you happy. She blogs regularly at We Band of Mothers (webandofmothers.com) and curses with even greater frequency. Her material is written for the imperfect, the imprudent, and the impatient mothers who know that all this stuff is really very funny if you just give it a minute.
See more of Marianne's stories here.
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