After a few crazy weeks jammed with piano recitals, Christmas shopping, and thrice-weekly swim practices, I was spent. I looked to my husband in a state of complete and utter exhaustion and queried:
"Can we please get a Sister-Wife?"
As though it was that easy. Simply add one to my cart with Free Super-Saving Shipping and I'd have her in five to eight days.
My husband, as always, was the voice of reason:
"Do you really think I need TWO of you in my life??"
There are so many moments where having an extra pair of hands around would be invaluable. Someone to assist with music practice, carpool, and homework. Someone who could throw in the inaugural load of laundry at 6 a.m. How happy my entire family would be to live with a woman who could actually cook!
"You want Alice, don't you?" questioned a friend as she listened to my gripes.
"You know, from the Brady Bunch. Carol Brady's Sister-Wife. She was always there hanging out, handling whatever needed to be done. You remember her, right? "
"I thought Alice was the housekeeper? Didn't they make her wear a uniform and everything?"
"That was just to throw the television censors off the scent. Alice was totally a Sister-Wife."
My friend said it with such authority, I didn't dare disagree.
It is hard for me to cast blame on anyone but myself for the horribly overscheduled corner I have painted us all into. In a fit of manic ambition last September, I doubled down on everything from chess to music, adding a whole "ensemble" component to our weekly lives. I convinced myself that it was crucial for my sons to learn to play in an orchestra before it was too late. Because isn't that what all 7 and 8 year olds need to do?
Joe tried to talk me down and convince me I was being a bit irrational.
Like that's ever worked before.
I'm finally starting to come around. A wise former co-worker who raised five terrific sons once told me that the key to bringing up good kids is to keep them busy. Yet when even HE began rolling his eyes and muttering things like "nuts" and "needs medication," I knew I had finally gone too far.
So I'm easing up. Ensemble classes are getting dropped. I'm skipping winter chess. Life will be better this way.
But if anyone does decide to go on Amazon in search of that perfect Sister-Wife, be sure to check out my new book Epic Mom: Failing Every Day a Little Bit More Than You, which is out this week (and has been hovering in the Top 25 for "Hot New Releases" in the Parenting & Family category). You'll get free shipping with the purchase of just about anything else with a Free Super-Saving Shipping designation, including this awesome Alice and Sam salt and pepper shaker. I do believe Sam is holding a ham.
Marianne is mother of three sons and the wife of a southside Irish fireman. She has learned that sometimes you're just too dumb to know what makes you happy. She blogs regularly at We Band of Mothers (webandofmothers.com) and curses with even greater frequency. Her material is written for the imperfect, the imprudent, and the impatient mothers who know that all this stuff is really very funny if you just give it a minute.
See more of Marianne's stories here.